Let's Pretend We're Numb

Ch. 33

Jasmine

"Trell, I really think you have a good chance at getting full custody. Just relax and get your mind together and you'll be fine." I rub his back and feel all the muscles tense up, but he takes a deep breath and they relax a bit.

"Jasmine, I appreciate you getting your friends together to say nice things about me, but that can only get me so far. I don't mean to sound ungrateful and make it seem like what you're doing isn't good enough, but Alison is evil. She has her ways and these little connections. I feel like if she really wanted full custody of Noah, she would have gotten it a long time ago."

I frown at his words and seriously feel sick to my stomach. I remember all the times Noah would come back home from being with Alison and all of small scratches and bruises that would be on him. My stomach churns at the thought, then I gasp wildly as I remember something that I did a while back. I quickly get up and roll Kentrell over and he groans.

"Kentrell, please hear me out. What I say might upset you, but I think after a lot of thinking and possibly arguing, you will see how much it can help you in this time of need." I grab his hands and his brown eyes sparkle with confusion. I take a deep breath and then feel my face heat up from nervousness.

"Jasmine..." He pauses and sits up on the bed, running a hand over his face.

I can tell he's frustrated with what I just told him.

He blinks a couple of times before staring off past my head while talking.

"How could you do something like that behind my back and without my permission?" He whispers and my heart sinks into my stomach.

Wow, it sounds horrible now that he's said it out loud and like that.

I scoot closer to him on our bed and frown.

"I didn't mean any harm or disrespect by it, I just wanted someone to see how horrible Alison is to that amazing little boy. I was gonna turn them anonymously to CPS and write a little information about Alison on a note. It wouldn't have harmed you in any way." I speak gently, trying to get him to see if my way, but he shakes his head.

"No, that would've been horrible. I told you, Alison has these connections! She could have turned it around and made it seem like I was the one abusing my son!" He snaps, and his outburst irritates me.

"Kentrell! Noah has a mouth and a mind! He knows how to answer simple questions like, 'does mommy or daddy ever hurt you'?"

"THEN WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSE TO SAY ONCE THEY ASK ME WHY I ALLOWED HER TO DO IT!?" He shouts at me and I flinch, never hearing him raise his voice. I feel my eyes water up and realize he's right.

Then again...

"Why do you then?" I grit out through clenched teeth and he looks at me with pained eyes.

"Jasmine, you know I-"

"No, I don't know! I'll be damned if I would just keep taking Jaiden over to his dad's if I knew he was abusing him! Kentrell, you're Noah's dad! You have a mouth! You have a voice and you have a fucking right! But you're not using them, instead you're letting this miserable bitch run your life and bruise and scar up your son-"

"Jasmine, just stop!" He snaps, then jumps up from the bed and goes to our closet. I reach up and wipe underneath my eyes, wiping over a silent tear that fell. Seconds later, he appears from the closet with a jacket and shoes on. I scramble to my feet.

"Where you going?" I asked. He shoots me an angry look.

"Out."

"Kentrell, I only did it to help you. You can explain to them your situation. Are you scared if her or are you too much of a gentleman to know that you could ruin her life like she's ruined yours? She deserves it! Don't keep sweeping this under the rug. It's never gonna blow over until you do something about it!" I urge him on and watch in his facial expression that he's considering it. He shakes his head slowly and then briefly closes his eyes.

"I-I need to think things through. I can't do it with you yelling at me." He whispers and I gawk at him.

"I don't mean to, I just hate seeing you struggle when you can so easily help yourself. Please, all I want for you to do is think about it. I haven't printed the pictures out, I still have them on my phone, but if you want me to delete them, all you have to is say the word and I will." My voice shakes as I start to get emotional by the situation and he looks at me with glistening brown eyes. I can tell tell he's trying not to break down in front of me.

"I'll talk to you later, Jasmine. Goodnight." He mumbles and I blow out a quiet sob as he leaves the room. I listen to his heavy footsteps trudge down the stairs and I cover my face and cry into my hands as I hear his car starting up his car and driving away.

We never have arguments like that and that one was pretty scary. I really love him and I don't want anything to mess up what we have, especially something as simple as getting rid of Alison. I lay in my now empty and cold bed and cry softly, hoping to cry myself to sleep soon, but a creaking of the floor makes me sit up quickly and come eye to eye with a pair of brown and green eyes staring at me sleepily.

"Mommy, are you ok?" Jaiden mumbles and Noah climbs onto the bed.

"Yeah, what's wrong mommy?" He comes and lays his head on my lap and I wipe my tears away and pat his head. Jaiden crawls up on the bed and over to me too.

"We heard yelling."

"I know, and I'm sorry about that boys." I drag them both into my arms and they look up at me. Jaiden wipes my cheek that he's close to and Noah follows him, wiping my other one.

"Don't cry mommy, we'll make you happy." Noah says and I choke on another sob and hug them to me tightly.

"I love you both so much."

"We love you too."

We just hold each other for what few like forever, until I pull back and drag the covers back, patting the empty space on the bed.

"Let's go to sleep, someone hit the lights." I say and Jaiden jumps up from the bed and goes to the wall, plunging us into the dark. I hear his little footsteps creak across the floor and then he gets into bed. They both snuggle up on both side of me and I kiss both of their curly little heads.

"Goodnight boys." I mumble and stare at the dark ceiling, listening to them mumble back sleep responses.

After a few minutes, they both are snoring lightly and I let myself drift off to sleep by the harmless sound. All the while in the back of my mind, I'm wondering where Kentrell is and when he's gonna come back home...

jay-the-girl