Let's Pretend We're Numb

Ch. 19

Jasmine

I feel stupid, completely stupid. How could I have even thought that Jahseh could change? He can't handle the thought of being committed to one person, but then again I can't be completely angry with him.

I should've known.

I slide our hotel key card into the slot and walk inside, startling Desiree and Stokeley who are hugged up in a chair, passionately kissing. Desiree jumps up quickly and smiles confusingly at me.

"Jasmine? Back already?" She breathes out and I nod.

"Yeah, me and Jah aren't really working out. I think I'm gonna go home." I say softly and start tearing off my party clothes, not even caring that Stoke's in the room.

"Why? What happened?" She presses the subject and I shake my head, dismissively.

"Jahseh's still stuck in his high school ways, that's what happened. He met a girl here, invited her to the party but forgot to inform me that he's really not ready to be in a relationship with me and work out being a family with our son, so I left them alone and came back. I lost my party mood." My voice sounds drained and I briefly close my eyes, then open them and glance over at Desiree and Stoke are still quiet. Desiree's mouth hangs open drastically and Stoke doesn't look surprised.

"You knew." I think out loud and he frowns.

"I just saw him talking to the girl. It wasn't my business. I really am sorry, Jasmine." He say sympathetically, and I nod then turn and grab my phone from my purse I abandon, and put on a tank top and sweats.

"I'm gonna catch the train back home, y'all have an amazing time. Don't let me leaving be a burden." I say as I google train times to see the next one leaves in two hours.

Good, we should be gone before Jahseh gets back.

"YOU CAN'T GO!" Desiree yells, and I shush her quickly as Jaiden starts to shift around on the bed as he sleeps peacefully.

"Shit, sorry." She whispers. "But you can't!" She exclaims quieter, and I walk over to her and hug her.

"You've been an amazing friend these past couple days, but I need this. I'm sorry, Des..." I pull away and start packing me and Jaiden's suitcases up and I ignore the stares from them. I know they're concerned about me, but I feel like I'm gonna be okay. This whole thing with Jahseh has just been a learning experience. I can't be so easy and anxious for a different life.

Now that I think about it more in depth, I can't even imagine coming home to a house where Jahseh is actually my husband who loves and cares for me and likes to spend time alone with me instead of being out with different girls all weekend. I sigh lightly, disappointed by the thought, but ignore it and roll me and Jaiden's suitcases by the door.

"Can y'all drop us off at the train station?" I ask, running a hand through my hair and Stoke stands, walking up to me.

"You sure you want to do this? You don't have to go because of him, shorty. You can still stay and enjoy yourself." He points out, but I smile weakly.

"I know I could, but what was the whole purpose of this trip, Stoke?" I tilt my head and he frowns.

"To get you and Jah on good terms and acting more like a family." He mumbles and I nod.

"Exactly. I don't want to have to watch him and basically feel like I'm babysitting him the rest of this trip, so I'd feel better if I just went home-"

"But Jaiden's gonna be so sad that y'all left Jahseh and that he isn't on vacation anymore!" She exclaims, but I shrug.

"I'll take him swimming and other places when we get back home. I just can't y'all... I'm sorry." I whisper, trying my hardest not to get emotional. Desiree smiles sadly at me and nods.

"Let me grab my purse." She says quietly then walks out of the hotel room, leaving me and Stoke alone. We both say nothing, but then I look up at him and giggle lightly.

"I really missed out on something great. I thought you were a jealous asshole to me and Jahseh, but you were just seeing your best friend for who he really is... I'm sorry." I apologize and he nods.

"I appreciate it, shorty. Don't beat yourself up over this though. You will find someone who really appreciates you and your strength in being a great mom for all these years and doing a lot on your own. I've seen you grow up and I've seen a beautiful thing blossoming. You've become an amazing friend and mom." He shoots me a wide grin and I giggle, tears welding up in my eyes.

"Don't lose hope, Jasmine. There's someone out there for you." He says confidently, and I look up at him with blurry eyes and manage to smile a genuine smile.

I hope Stoke's right. There's a guy out there for me who will appreciate every little thing that I do.

I'm sick of always doing this alone. I feel like deep in my soul that it takes two people to make a relationship work and that it takes two people to raise a child...

Hopefully I'm right, cause I don't know if I want to keep doing this by myself.

But at the moment, I don't really have much of a choice.

jay-the-girl