life is a bitch or how death tore us apart and pulled us together

you're worth something as well? !?

Hayley's point of view

On Sunday evening, I went into the city, having picked up Ben and Annie from a friend and brought them home.

I was in the mode to just wander around in the city, seeing where my feet would lead me.

I thought about the time back then, when everything was fine, when I was a happy, foolish young teenager.

"I had a boyfriend, I worried about style and parties and the worst that could happen was to see a celebrity date someone ugly or break up with someone nice.

I had been so naive! But I had been happy.

Nick, the parties we went to and the swimming Rallyes had been my world.

Due to the almost daily training and after it meeting Nick, I had been at home in the evenings, most of the time just right to kiss my siblings good night.

But it had been amazing, my world. My father would pack away a part of the meals he made and I would sneak into the kitchen and eat it, most of the time standing, while dad cleaned up.

By the time I finished my meals he would start to clean the plates and I would help him, drying them and putting them away. This were the best parts of the day.

We would talk about swimming; the races, who of the idiots in my and the others teams was good and who was just silly, sports in general was his favourite topic. But we would also talk boys, what problems and what win they bring and how my relationship with Nick was going.

We were the perfect team, my father and me.

And then - yeah - then this one call from the hospital came and everything changed. "

My way had lead me to the bar again and drinking some kind of flavoured water, I had told Brian everything about me.

" And now? What about now? Discribe your current situation. ", he said.

I sighed. " I'm taking care of a fifteen-year-old and two four-year-olds, doing all the jobs a parent should do, going to the last year of high school and to help my mother I'm working in a information centre. ", I said.

Brian shook his head. " And how do you feel? "

I did not understand his question.

"You said back then you were happy. What about now? "

I sighed. " My father is dead, so of course I'm not happy. "

And I told him about Nick and Chris and how I had no idea, how to deal with them.

Brian listened closely and nodded from time to time.

" You should go swimming again. ", he finally said, pouring me another drink.

" Why? What would this help?"

He smiled. " You would do something for you and nobody else!

You're worth something as well! "

Somehow I got angry at his words. I paid and left without saying another word.

Coming home I smashed my head against the wall in despair. Great. So I was this far in my thoughts that I started to feel really miserable in my current situation and even went to a stranger to tell him my story.

Genius, this were exactly the thoughts you should have when you were in a situation you could not change.

NOT.