Returning Red

#17: Truth or Dare?

I warned you about loving me

Isabella

I watch Jason's empty beer bottle spin in the middle of their suite. My hands began profusely sweating so I had to intertwine my fingers to make them stop shaking so much. I see the bottle point at Jason and the bottom faces Liam. I gulp, and the more I gulp, the faster my heart starts beating. 

"Truth or dare, Cody?" Liam asks Jason, sneering. 

"Uh, Dare," Jason says casually. 

"Alright," Liam takes a long breath, rubbing his palms in front of him. He was the worst player because he always gave the most ridiculously embarrassing challenges. Liam Davis always evened his battles in games like these. He would count and save all the times you wronged him and then throw a bomb to even it all out, leaving you speechless. "It's been a while since we've seen you dance. So, twerk it out, man." 

"Dude?" Jason groans because Liam is already playing music. Jason stands up. 

I want to smile, I want to enjoy this scene but my body isn't allowing me to. My toes begin to sweat and I try to dry them out on the carpet but the more I rub my feet, the more they begin to sweat. My hands are white because I've fidgeted and squeezed them so much, that the blood has begun to derail. My sleeveless black overall that is so deep-necked is making me feel hot and chilly at the same time. 

I lick my lips, trying my best to not let this happen again. I keep telling myself that there are people around me and I am not alone and I cannot let this happen. I watch Jason pull up his jacket and dance with it, twerking in the middle of the room. I force myself to smile but all I want to do is just run away from this room. 

Run away from this place. I just want to run away again. 

I feel suffocation in my chest. The voices around me fade in and out. I can hear my heart as if someone has placed a microphone on it and kept two heavy speakers in my ears. Every function in my body is heightened. I can feel the drop of sweat roll down the side of my neck. My breathing is like an 8D audio traveling between my ears in reverberation. I cannot believe this was happening again. 

Four years felt like a long time to move on from panic attacks. I can't believe my mind was caving in and giving up on me. I couldn't help but hate myself for being so vulnerable to everything. For feeling everything so much. For not staying numb as much as I wanted to. For not fighting back. For letting my weakness win over my strengths. 

They're cheering for him, clapping and whistling but all the noise just seems so far away. The scene in front of me is mute. Jason throws his jacket back on the ground where he sat and he takes a bow facing each of us. I stop fidgeting and start clapping, making it seem like I enjoyed it but nothing really registered. Not one scene. I zoned out for the third time, Cody. 

The bottle spun again and I could sense the vibe in the room was not normal. I could sense heaviness and tension in the air, which normally never happens. It landed on Julie this time and the bottom on Jason. I gulped, not wanting to look at anybody now because, for all I know, my anxiety could get the best of me at any minute. I just want this to get over. 

"Truth or dare, Connel?" I hear Jason's voice. 

"Dare," her voice is so confident. 

My heart is pounding in my chest. I want to run away from this place. I keep my eyes on the bottle in the center. 

"Well, give Austin a lap dance," Jason chuckles. 

I don't blink as I continue to stare at the empty beer bottle. I can hear May and Liam cheering this on, and I can make out Jason laughing louder beside me but I do not want to take my eyes off the bottle in the middle. I lick my lips, gulping. I concentrate more on the changing behavior of my body.