Returning Red

#4: I'm Going Home.

I warned you about loving me

Isabella

Ambling inside my own room, I found it very dimly lit from the outside. The door creaked slowly. One of the reasons why I never liked working late at night in my study. I hated my rusty wooden flooring that gave a sound to my footsteps. I've always loved the silver carpet I had in my room in Frankfurt. It just made my room a lot warmer and a lot homely. Frankfurt.

No, this is home. This is where I live. 

My eyes adjusted to the instant view of about thirty lit golden candles as I opened my room door. The scent is smoky and lavender. I captured the golden light and it felt like I flew eight years back and opened the door to a certain lakehouse with golden lights greeting my eyes. A hitch in me began screaming that history might repeat. I nudged further into the only light source in the room being the small lit candles.

It was a surprise that made me simmer. Anything illuminating from the black, I could feel the warmth spreading inside me. I cleared my throat for someone to own this setup. I knew I wasn't alone in my room and I knew this wasn't lighted to tell me 'good night'.

"So you do like candles." I heard his voice behind me and I turned around instantly, slightly disappointed at who I was expecting and who it turned out to be. Why was I even expecting?

Ryder was dressed in an all-black suit, minus the tie. I smiled, frowning a little because I didn't understand this mood he was trying to create. He neared me, with both his hands in his pockets.

"I like everything luminous." I shrugged.

"Is that why you always hide behind your laptop? Because it gives out light?" He chuckled walking more closer.

"Is that supposed to be charming or mocking?" I shake my head with a smile.

"Both?" He laughed again, taking a step dangerously close to me.

I looked away, getting more distance and air between us. But my smile remained intact. It was my attempt to not make things awkward. I know I shouldn't move back, I know I should give him some liberty because he's my boyfriend.

"Okay, I know this might be totally out of the dark." He looked down and I frowned a little. "But," he closed his eyes and started to go down on one of his knees. He pulled out a black velvet box from his pocket. "Isabella Cosmo," he looked up after opening the black box.

I gasped, "Ryder--"

"Will you marry me?"

Time stopped in front of me. Everything stopped but my mind ran. It ran fast, in a blue flash. It ran as far as it could from the scene in front of me. My fingers, toes, limbs, lungs, everything felt numb. And the paralysis seemed to spread. I couldn't blink my eyes, I couldn't grasp for the breath I needed. The shock made my rib cage compress and my chest began to shoot with pricking pain. I stare at the diamond twinkling from inside the black box.

Oh my god, I need my pills again.  

Like how a muscle would release a cramp, my mind began to open up. It registered. These candles, that black suit, are for this cause. He's asking me to marry him, for real. All of this is real. And the reality is starting to make my head spin.

I do not want to have a panic attack here. 

My heart began to race with panic, it was a frenzy situation that wholly depended on my answer. I bit my lip, watching him wait for me to say something. My fingers got restless and fidgety. In spite of trying to clasp them together, they denied staying steadily.