Returning Red

#18: Better Place.

how can emptiness feel so heavy?

Isabella

"Did you think of me when Ryder kissed you?" 

My lungs can't expand. It's as if my ribs are stopping my lungs from expanding and they badly need air. My lips fall apart and I start breathing from my mouth. 

His lips curl as he slowly stands up. I sit deeper inside the chair. "No, I want to know," he says to May as he takes steps toward me. I try to look everywhere else. "Tell me, Isabella Cosmo, did you think of me when Ryder kissed you?" 

He was coming close and I was breathing heavily from my mouth. I slowly saw the rest of them stand up too. I keep seeing May's lips move and I know she's telling him something but she's not saying it loud enough for me to hear it. I try to focus on the beer bottle again, far but still visible. 

"Did you enjoy kissing him? Did you enjoy it when he pulled you closer? Did you enjoy his hand on your waist? Tell me, I want to know." He was speaking too close to me and I couldn't shut his voice away. 

I bit my lip, shaking my head as I try to look anywhere else except at him. 

"You moved on right? I saw you that day at Safford, you were completely over us. I was hardly even a memory. Was I that easy to forget? That easy to move on from?" His voice was getting louder and louder. "He's touched you everywhere I've touched you, right? How was it? Was he better than me? Did you enjoy it? His hands all over you, his lips all over you--" 

"I-I want to go," I say looking at the beer bottle. 

"No, sorry, I need you to tell me the truth. We're playing, right? It's your turn, come on, you're the competitive one. You chose truth. You can't give up. Answer me," he leaned down to my face. His hands roughly held the armrests of my chair and I shivered, not looking into his eyes. "How did it feel after sleeping with him? How was the sex?" 

I close my eyes, looking down at my lap. This was not good. He was not understanding what he was doing. He's not in control. Heck, I'm not in control. 

"TELL ME," He yelled and I shut my eyes even tighter. "WAS HE BETTER THAN ME?"

"I didn't have sex with h-him," I whisper shaking my head. I feel his face go back a little because I don't feel his breath anymore. "I-I didn't."

I slowly open my eyes and watch him stand right in front of me. He's watching me with glaring eyes. 

"Well, you saved yourself at least some respect." He spat and I had to take loud breaths again. 

"A-Austin," my voice broke hinting at a sob. His eyes flinched. Or I was hallucinating again. "I need my pills," I say as my breathing becomes extremely loud and I know they can make out because May holds Liam's arm, in fear. "I need it."

Austin laughed, "What part of I won't let you have them don't you understand?" He leaned down to my face and I moved back, watching his smile. He's having fun doing this. My heart breaks and I feel tears blur my eyes. I couldn't blink them off anymore. "Oh, look at the nark playing the victim card now. Seriously, 100 brownie points for all this acting, but you can't fool me with all this bullshit. So suck up to it, and stop playing the damsel in distress to try and make me seem like the bad guy." He held the armrests of my chair again and his jaw hardened. 

"I w-want to go," I whisper watching his face. 

"Trust me," he stressed on it, "I don't like seeing your face too but, well," he mockingly smiled, "Unfortunately, fate wants this. And you don't always get what you want, I hope you know that by now."