Sing Once Again With Me

And So It Begins

Kenny's Point Of View

What's the point in trying to sleep, every time I close my eyes all I see is her face, the look in her eyes, the hate she had for me for what I had done, the chance of gaining anything back from her it was all gone. I keep a photograph under my pillow have done since I was locked up in here of her and Riley not long after she had him she looks so afraid and yet you could see she loved that little boy with all her heart, this was how she was, she loved Riley and Ellie and she loved his child Langley's child and she loved him that was obvious you couldn't deny how much she adored him the bastard what did he have, what did he do to change her into the woman she had suddenly become, so confident, so happy so bloody fucking beautiful. What was to become of me not a lot I don't think something tells me I'll be in here for a while for what I did to the kids Jesus why did I do that, I keep getting flash backs to what I did Jesus I could have hurt them or worse the latter being something I really didn't want to think about. And yet tomorrow I would see her after all these months I had tried to write but I'd heard nothing back from her, she must be close to her due date now, yet more of his she was about to give him all for the love of fucking Langley. I hated him like I hated my big brother for having what I wanted, I hadn't asked much out of life but Jesus I wanted her, still do and I love her now as much as I ever did and there wasn't a thing that I could so about it.  A grown man crying, crying over her photograph and she didn't know a thing about it.

Matt's Point Of View

I lie awake thinking to myself, it had all caught up with me I guess my stupid brother hadn't managed a good job either so now it was all back on me. His brother fucking Peter had found some balls from somewhere and gone to the police stupid little prick and so with every passing day my sentence was getting longer

She could have stopped it if she really wanted to but why would she she's got her millionaire fucking husband, nice house, nice little family she'd certainly landed on her feet nothing like she was why did she insist on going through with it. She will answer for it in time she has to. Lisa my little cupcake with a topping suddenly so bitter. She never understood never wanted to if she had maybe things would have been different. I had a name to live up to I was a Lloyd Morgan demanded some respect but the way she used to look at me the fear in her eyes sometimes I got off on it but not always and it wasn't until I saw the way she looked at Langley that I realized how she really felt I filled her with fear and hate. You could see how he had changed her and was quick enough to fill her belly up
What the fuck was it with her why did she get under my skin, I've fucked so many women without a care and yet Lisa..........Lisa

Lisa's Point Of View

"Twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are, up above the world so high like a diamond in the sky" I sing quietly to Freja who has woken up earlier than usual so I've snuck into her room not wanting to disturb anyone. I sit her on my lap as she plays with my hair smiling at me, if only I could stay here today, I don't want to get up and leave here, how can I possibly face them all. "Mama" she says as she looks in my eyes with her sweet little ones, not a care in the world she has as she sits with me. Oh for life to be always so simple for her, for all our children, Riley and Ellie had been through enough I hoped in time that they would be able to forget it and everything that had happened, Ellie may do easily but Riley ah my darling little Riley was sharp and had a memory that was just so. There was another reason why this has to be done to send him away send them both away so none of my babies could be harmed anymore. For a summers day it was awful grey and fierce looking the rain hasn't let up and it's constantly stormy it matched the mood perfectly. "Mummy" a little voice calls from the door I turn around and it's Riley "Darling what are you doing up so early" I ask him "I'm not sleepy Mummy" he says to me "Come here darling" I say reaching my arm out to him. "Am I going to school today" he asks me "yes darling then you are going for tea at Uncle Mikes house "why Mummy, why can't I come home" he asks "because......" I don't know what to say "because Mummy has to go somewhere" I say to him "but where are you going Mummy" he asks, he's not going to let up on this "Mummy has to go to a place called court darling" I say to him "what's court" he asks "it's........it's a place where people go when they have been naughty so a judge can tell them how long they need to go to jail for" is what I say how can you explain to a five year old. "Who's been naughty Mummy because it's not you, you're never naughty" he says making me smile "your" I went to say father but he wouldn't have that I know so I call him the only name he knows him as "the nasty man darling" I say "and Uncle Kenny" I say "Peter is my uncle Mummy not him, he was a nasty man too" he says "he took us in his car" he says suddenly getting upset "I thought he was taking us away and we'd never see you or Daddy again" he says sobbing so I pull him to me "now you listen to me, no one is ever going to take you or Ellie or Freja away from me and Daddy alright no one" I say sobbing a little myself now "you promise Mummy" he asks "I promise" I say kissing him on the head "this is why Mummy has to go to court so she can tell the judge what the nasty men did so they can be sent to jail" I say praying to God in my head that they will be they have to be because hearing my little boy sob because of what he did is enough to break my heart. He stands there next to me as breath in the smell of his soft hair when a low rumbling voice calls from the door "no one wanting to sleep then" I look up to find Ben standing in the door way with a gentle yet concerned smile and I just shake my head a little. "Daddy" Riley sobs to him "hey soldier what's this, tears" he asks him as Riley walks into Ben's open arms and I explain to him what he just told me. "Now little man lets wipe them away" Ben says running his thumbs under Riley's eyes brushing away the tears. "As long as Daddy is here no one is ever going to take you away" he says to him "and I'm going to be here forever" he says whispering the forever bit making Riley smile.

"Now I say we give Mummy a big hug" Ben tells him and he comes over to me "I love you Mummy" he says "Oh I love you too my darling darling boy" I say to him again holding him close, close enough to feel his heart beating . "Hey how about we go and put a DVD on downstairs hey" Ben says to him and Riley nods in agreement. "Why you in here" a little voice says from by the door as Ellie appears rubbing her eyes holding tight to dolly "We are just going to go downstairs to watch something cool Ellie" Riley says to her "Ah Peppa" she says her eyes lighting up "Oh not Peppa again" Riley says tapping his forehead with his hand in sheer dismay "I like Peppa it's my bestest" Ellie says as I smile at her "Oh OK" Riley says giving in "Come on darling" Ben says reaching to Freja "Let's go and watch Peppa...........again" Ben says smiling "Coming Mummy" he says "In a minute" I say to him and he stops his stride "Go on I'm fine I'll be down now" I tell him "Come on Daddy quickly" Ellie shouts to him while all the while Ben looks at me "OK Princess I'm coming" he says not taking his eyes off me until in the end he has to when he has to leave the room.

I let out a huge sigh as he closes the door if only that sigh could make all the tightness and fear I feel inside just go away. I look down at my
bump gently running my hands across it when suddenly one of the boys moves as if on purpose saying come on Mum you'll be alright. I lift myself up from the chair and head for the bathroom my reflection in the mirror startles me I'm pale and tired looking and yet there's something else it's like someone came along and switched off that sparkle that Ben spoke so much of but I didn't want that I was going to let them do that not again. I brush my hair and run a  facial wipe over my cheeks I feel my skin shudder as I rub the cold moisturizer over it there wasn't a make up in the world that was going to hide what I felt not today "I swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth" I say out loud to my reflection just to see how it would feel how it would sound but would it sound like it does in my head to those who were there to listen and would they believe me when they heard it.
Are they doing this are they looking in a mirror at themselves and if so what are they feeling, it hurts it hurts my brain to the point that I can't think. And yet I am thinking I'm thinking too much and that hurts too it all just bloody hurts and I could scream at them all "LEAVE ME ALONE GET OUT GET OUT OF MY HEAD" I think as I hold my head in my hands.

Kenny's Point Of View

Is it worth it making myself look presentable really I think as I look in the mirror barely able to see my face as the bloke that shares the cell with me punched it only days ago. Broken damaged like me the perfect reflection. But maybe that's better maybe if I can't see I don't have to remind myself of what I am and what I did. Is she looking is she looking in the mirror are those sweet eyes taking in her soft face what is she thinking does she think about me really does she, could I ever mean anything really, why do I keep asking myself this is my subconscious tricking me into thinking that if I keep asking maybe the answer will be the one I want. She's the mother of my son I know she is, Riley is my boy and yet he calls that bastard his Daddy  that hurts as much as the knowledge that she never wanted me does.

Matt's Point Of View

Every Picture tells a story and my face in this mirror says you're an absolute twat and deserve everything that's coming to you. Is that true for some of us. We can't all be like him Langley Mr fucking wonderful, can't put a foot wrong not in her eyes . When did it happen was I too thick to see it, why couldn't she just do as she was told, she had to ruin it didn't she with bloody kids wanting the happy little home, it just wasn't me she drove me bloody insane with her sobbing and her pathetic little face she asked for it I tell you asked for it "WHY DIDN'T YOU FIGHT ME" I shout into the air "keep the noise down dickhead" my cell mate requests "fuck you" I shout at him. I splash my face with the tepid water before looking into my own gaze once more before mouthing "And So It Begins"