Sing Once Again With Me

One in a million

Ben's point of view

I found it impossible to sleep I think I got maybe a few hours my head is just buzzing the letter, the bloody letter I kept going over it re reading and re reading. Lisa was right I know, it was just money, money that would set us all up for life a future for our family which was what I wanted more than anything I just have to block it out of mind where it has come from, but if Lisa could take money from his family to build a new life then so could I we deserved it, we deserved so much but when I think back to when she came back those old feelings come back to me the fear I had that day when they dragged Lisa to hospital because of what she had put her through the guilt thinking it was my fault, how she frightened the children how she made Riley shout at her to protect me the tears Ellie cried because she just didn't know what was happening and who was upsetting everyone. She didn't think twice about hunting for us and with Vanessa's help threatened to bring us down, the night I ran after her telling her to fuck off out of my life the spite she threw at me sending me running off to drink myself stupid allowing that bitch to try it on with me again. That day the first since I had laid eyes on my gorgeous girl I scared myself half to death thinking I could lose her because of my weakness on my mothers part, but she stuck by me allowing me to believe that we together could face anything and it had certainly been that way, Lisa ah my darling was so brave, so loving when she knew it was needed I wanted to give her the world and was this really my opportunity to do it, the first thing that flashed through my mind when Id had a chance to digest the letter as I lay with Lisa in my arms were the things I could give her one important thing in my head was the villa that her Grampa had left her that she had been robbed of by her mother, I could see the hurt in her eyes when she told me about it, this was a place for her not tainted by any bad memories if I could just get it back for her give her a little of her childhood back that we could share with our children.

It had warmed me to know that she wanted us to have another baby and the fact that she didn't knock the idea of us having several god willing told me that she wanted just what I did, it had really upset her that after thinking she might be pregnant to discover that she wasn't and she never said a word carrying it herself but only able to keep it from me for so long. I couldn't wait for the day she would come to me again and say that she was expecting our child. Her pregnancy with Freja although fraught in parts was such an amazing thing I was in complete awe of Lisa the way she changed everyday to see Freja grow inside her was a wonder to me and that day or should I say days my poor Lissy had to go through to bring her to me, I didn't think I could love her anymore than I did at that point but to see her give birth to our daughter to watch Freja being born only quadrupled my love and devotion for her.

"Ben lovey you're up early its Sunday lad a day of rest" Gran says coming to the kitchen where I'm sat at the table with the letter folded in front of me "So what are you doing up then Gran" I ask her "In need of a cuppa lad in need of a cuppa, would you like one lovey" she asks "Yes thanks" I say to her "What have you got there lovey" she asks looking at the letter "Oh nothing much" I tell her "Can I smell the kettle boiling" Dad shouts only he could smell a kettle boil "Nothing gets passed you does it" Gran tells him "Make us a cuppa Mam please" he asks with those Langley puppy eyes that Lisa says I'm always using but I think she tells fibs "So here you are dear husband I roll over to find you gone" Lisa calls from the hall way "Sorry sweetheart couldn't sleep" I tell her and she knows what about "Tea Lis" Gran asks "Gran you're an angel" she says to her as Gran pops one the table for us all "Dad, Gran there's something we need to tell you" I say to them now we are all sat down "Oh lovey are you pregnant again" Gran asks "What no Gran" I say to her what is it with everyone "Well not yet" Lisa says rubbing my hand Gran gets it rubbing her hands together and smiles. "What is it then" Dad asks so I give him the letter he reads through it in silence his reaction too is silent as he places the letter down causing Gran to grab it "What the hell is it" she says as she begins to read "Fucking hell" she shouts "Gran" I say to her astounded by her language. "What would like me to say lad, golly gosh oh sugar plums the bloody woman has left you a fucking fortune" it seems so wrong to hear Gran talk like this. "Fair point" I say to her Dad looks lost "Dad" I say to him trying to snap him out of his daze ."Well I'll be damned" he says "She finally did something decent" he says "Is that how you really see it Dad" I ask him "I see it as one hell of a guilty conscience lad" he says thinking like me "But if that's how she made herself feel better then so be it" he says I'm quite surprised by this "You expected me to kick up a fuss, son, say I don't want it" he puts to me "I guess I did yes" I tell him "She owes you, you more than any of us Ben its just money" he says "But Dad" he stops me "Ben listen to me lad, think about them kiddies upstairs, and this beautiful girl here, all the things you could give them, this past year we have experienced some of the most precious times of our lives but we've also struggled through the hardest, finally its time for us have some fun for you two to have your happy ever after. Lisa puts her hand on mine and smiles at me "You've been out voted darling I think" she says to me "Looks like it sweetheart" he laughs "I'm going to Harrods" Gran says "What the hell for mother" Dad says to her "So I can buy something" she says "What would you like Gran" Lisa asks her "It doesn't matter lovey, I just want a carrier bag so I can get on the tube after and people will look and say she's been to Harrods she has" we all laugh at her darling Gran.