Sing Once Again With Me

We are going to be alright

Ben's Point of View.

"Here we go Angel you can travel in style" I say to her bringing the wheelchair into her room, she still look so pale and so tired, and she gives me that look

"I'm not an invalid" she says

"Who said you were" I tell her "I just think this Mummy deserves a little luxury travel" I say trying to joke.

"Hardly luxury" she says

"Hey it's better than one of those old peoples scooter things" I say and she laughs gently.

She goes to get up out of bed and I can see she is still so weak, it shocks me to see her like this it really does, she had been so ill, she still hasn't seen the boys and they were two days old now. I was trying to carry on as close to normal but this was anything but, the lads were still poorly especially little Teddy.

I push her in the wheelchair to the lift to take her to the special care unit where the boys still are, I can see she is nervous about meeting them, not really knowing what to expect, she'd seen the photographs I'd taken but that wasn't the same. As the door closes to the lift I crouch down to look at her "Sweetheart are you alright, you still look so tired" I ask her

"I'm OK sweetie, I just want to see our boys" she says as I reach up and tuck a stray bit of hair that's escaped her ponytail behind her ear. "Will I be able to hold them" she asks her eyes pained which pains me

"No darling" I say and she starts to sob  "They still have to stay in the incubator but you can touch them, they showed me how" I say taking a tissue from my joggers pocket and wiping her eyes. The lift door opens and I stand up to push her out, the sudden sound of little beeps from all the monitors and machines can be heard "They are over there sweetheart" I say and she lifts her head desperate to grab a glimpse of them

"Hi Ben" one of the nurses calls to me "Hey you must be Lisa" she says coming over to us, Lisa nods and smiles "these two handsome chaps have been waiting to meet Mummy" she says making Lisa cry again as I push her up to her little boy's still in the same incubator, Lisa let's out a big sigh and then tightens her lips together desperately trying not to cry.

"It's OK sweetheart" I say crouching down next to her once more

"I'll leave you both too it, Daddy know's what he's doing now, they are doing OK Mum proper little fighter's if they keep this up they should be able to come off the breathing apparatus in a few days" the nurse says and Lisa smiles at her

"Thank you for looking after them" she says

"My pleasure darling" she answers and she gives us some peace.

Lisa can't help her tears, but they are so quiet, she puts her hand up to the outside of the incubator as I cover it with my own and she looks at me, it's breaking her heart, mine too "Sweetie look at them my poor little boys" she says causing my own tears to come "They are so small" she says

"I know darling, I know, but they are perfect, look at their little hands, their little feet, their sweet little faces" and she does but it's too much she is still blaming herself I can sense this and she turns to me throwing herself against me so I enfold her in the love and protection she needs right now as she cries her little heart out.  Somewhere within me I had found a strength to take care of them all, I had to I was her husband and was their father all of them. "Let it come out sweetheart it helps trust me" I whisper to her.

"I can't breathe" she sobs into me 

"Yeah you can my brave girl, you can" I wasn't used to seeing her this weak it strikes back to when we first met, the helplessness she carried that had drawn me to her, I had never known her to need me this much though, she was spent, had very little left My sweet darling.