Sing Once Again With Me

Come home babe

I wake up with a start my phone is ringing what time is it, its still dark its the middle of the night I gather myself as Ben stirs next to me "Who is it darling?" he asks 

"Its Dad" I say as his name flashes across the screen. 

"Hello Dad are you OK" I ask 

"Babe I'm so sorry to wake you, but I had to ring you" He says his voice shaky and full of worry. 

"What's happened Dad" I ask him 

"Babe its Nain she's had another seizure but its a bad one this time, the doctors say she may not recover from this one" I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and tears fill my eyes I'm powerless to control them. 

Ben sees my face and puts his arm around me "Lissy what is it" he asks me but I cant speak so I put my phone on speaker 

"Lis, Lis Babe are you there" Dad calls to me 

"Ginge you're on speaker what's happened" Ben says to him 

"Ben its Nain she's very poorly she's had another seizure but its a bad one this time, they've just called me from the home" 

"Oh no" he says as he pulls me to his chest not making me speak 

"Can we do something to help" he asks Dad 

"The doctor I spoke to says she may not have very long left they've taken her to Aberystwyth hospital she's in intensive care " I burst into tears when he says this and he hears me "Lis she's not in any pain but I know she'd like you to be here she can still hear me and is responding to me" oh my god Nain 

"Come home Babe" he asks he's crying now himself 

"OK Dad" I say through my sobs 

"Ginge we just need to sort the kids and get everything together and we'll make our way up" Ben says to him 

"Thanks Buddy, but drive carefully yeah" he warns Ben 

"I will, we will see you soon"

Ben switches my phone off and looks into my eyes "Sweetheart I'm so sorry" he says I just can't stop crying "Come here darling" he holds me so tightly I can barely breath "We knew this day would come lovey but that doesn't stop it hurting" he says as I cling myself onto him even tighter "I'm here baby, I'm always here" he reassures me I lift myself up as I wipe away my tears 

"I'm sorry sweetie" I say to him 

"Nothing to be sorry for my love" he says

There's a little tap at the door and Gran walks in "I heard crying is everything OK you two" Ben tells Gran everything "Oh lovey, I'm so very sorry oh bless her the poor darling" she says "Well we need to sort everyone out and head up there then" she says 

"Gran you don't have to" I say

 "Course we do, we are a family and your Nain love her is part of that we will be there for you all lovey, did you really expect we would do anything else" she asks 

"No" I whisper shaking my head. 

"Right Freja can go as she is if we wrap her up and the kiddies I'll just pop some things in some bags for them, you get together what you need me and Dad will do the rest and talk of the devil" she says as Dad walks in 

"Hey what's going on" Dad asks 

"Going on a trip lad" Gran says 

"At two in the morning" he asks 

"Yes lovey Lisa's Nain is very poorly so Geraint needs his little girl" she says ushering Dad out 

"Say no more Mam" he says love him all hands to the pumps 

"Go and get yourself dressed" Ben says to me 

"But sweetie are you going to be OK to drive you've only had a couple of hours sleep" I say to him 

"I'll be fine darling and if I'm tired we will stop, Lets get to Nain yeah" he says stroking my face.

We get the car packed up in no time I think at least I'm so dazed that I don't really know what's going on I'm worried about Ben being tired though, he must have only had three hours sleep and although we were used to it with Freja he didn't usually drive a near five hour journey in the middle of the night. 

"Right lets make a move" Ben suggests squeezing my hand as we drive off. It's a long drive and just feels like it will never end that we will never get there. We make a couple of stops on the way to allow Ben to have a break Our final stop is about two hours away from home to have something to eat, the children still fast asleep Gran had wrapped them all up in their pyjamas snug and warm. Ben brings out some food to the car but I can't touch it 

"Lis you need to eat lovey" Gran says to me 

"I cant" I say to her 

"You're not going to be any help to Nain darling if you don't keep your strength up" Ben says 

"I'm not going to be any help to her anyway am I, I can't make her better" I snap jumping out of the car with Ben following me 

"Lis wait" he shouts after me it's cold I'm shivering and my teeth chatter but it's like I can't feel it "Darling it's freezing come back to the car" Ben pleads 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap" I say 

"It's fine darling really" he says taking me in his arms the sound I his heart beating and feeling him breath settles me as it always did "let's head off darling yeah" 

"I didn't think I'd be coming back this way I swore I wouldn't" I tell him 

"We are going for you Dad sweetheart and for Nain that's all" he says 

"but it's not just that is it that place Ben it's a mine field for me all I've been through everything I've overcome you might as well spit on it as soon as I get back........there" Ben grabs me 

"NO darling don't you talk like that, you are not the girl that left there you've changed so much and I will not allow you to go back to what you were, it's just a place buildings people nothing more what you are I have here in my arms" he holds me tight "I'll protect darling as I always have please don't be afraid you are so much stronger than that and I love you" I smile at him "Trust me" he says bringing me back to the car.

The sun is coming up as we arrive home not that this felt like home it hasn't done for a long time it was hard seeing it again I get uneasy as we pass the house me and Matt lived in Ben notices "Sweetheart what is it" he asks 

"There that's where" I start and get upset he sees what I mean clutching my hand 

"It's ok I'm here just focus on me Lis you have nothing to fear from here my darling not anymore" he says but I couldn't take that in I could still feel it, feel it all I had come home.