Sing Once Again With Me

All Day and All of the Night

Ben's Point of View

I lie looking into her loving eyes damn my darling girl is just that, my darling girl and so very beautiful and yet part of her still doesn't see this. Part of her still struggles with this, as far as we come in turning everything on it's head it only takes something like what has happened in these last few weeks to make everything inside her clam up again, tonight when we made love I noticed it in her, that feeling that she wasn't worthy of my love so I did as I do and poured more of it upon her than she could take. "Sweetheart are you alright" I ask her, she had cried after her orgasm which seemed to take an age to come to her it was like she was holding back a little, she loved it, I could see in her eyes that she did, it was not that she didn't love me or what we did it was just how they had made her feel, so I made sure that I took my time with her loving her gently and patiently until in the end she gave in to her overwhelming pleasure that she said only I have ever given her. "I'm sorry" she says to me "Why darling what could you have to be sorry about" I ask her looking at her with a soft gaze "For everything" she says "that's happened these last few weeks" she says "Like that was your fault" I say to her "It partly was" she says "If we hadn't have gone there he wouldn't have told me about what happened" she says it still eats at her "But we wouldn't have found Marcus would we and look how much better he is already" I tell her "Sweetheart" I say taking her in my arms "Talk to me" I ask "Tell me what you are really feeling because I know you are holding back from me" I say "It makes me sick" she says "What does angel" she is struggling so I lift her chin to look at me "Better out than locked in here darling" I say tapping her temple "It makes me sick to think that I slept with him" she says meaning Kenny, it makes me sick too the thought of him taking advantage of her at her most vulnerable. "Sweetheart do you remember anything" she shakes her head "Not even a little try darling it might help" I say "But you won't want to hear it if I do" she says "Darling it was five years ago it's in the past, you know I slept with other women and I know now that you slept with Matt and Kenny, but it's what's here now, it's you and me, I want you to move on from it that's all I want" I tell her.

She try's to think the concentration on her face is immense. "I...I'd gone round to his house, for some reason his Mum and Dad were away I remember because I would never have called on him, they never believed me about Matt so I got to the point where I gave up with them" this makes me angry anyone could see what he was and what he did to her. "He'd given me a real beating that night and I had a black eye, because one thing I do remember was him giving me a cold compress to put on my face" she says "He was drinking scotch when I got there, and he gave me a glass, yes he did he gave me some he said it would help calm me down" she says "the taste of it was foul and yet I can remember it warming me up, but it was the smell" she says that's why she doesn't like whiskey Jesus I never thought and when I got pissed on it that night with the lads that's why she was angry, it reminded her without her really knowing why.

"He was nice to me he always was, believe it or not, but after that night things changed I know that" she says "he must have kept giving me more, because I don't know what really followed" I look at her "It's alright darling" I say to her "he wanted me to leave Matt, but he'd always said that going, oh come on Lis dump him I'll look after you, you know joking, but that night he seemed serious" I hold her hands "He put me to lie on his bed because I'd got sleepy I think because he carried me in there, gave me some of his clothes to wear because I can remember them not fitting too baggy, because of how big he was" she says and they were they were broad and beefy both him and Matt all muscle, different from me, but then they used their size both of them clearly to take advantage, I feel sick myself at the thought of them both lying heavy on top of her my poor darling unable to fight them. "he came to lie with me I think, saying that I should sleep, but he started to touch me I think but that's the last I can remember Ben so he must have, because I can remember being almost asleep but feeling someone there, you know when you think you're dreaming but you can't be because you're awake" she says her eyes have glazed over, but bless her she fights is "He was supposed to be my friend" she says "But he was no better" she tells me "No sweetheart he wasn't" I tell her "he said he cared Ben, if he did why would he do that" she asks I give her a big sigh "Because he wanted what he couldn't have, Lis I don't doubt that he loved you, but when you didn't want him he did exactly what his brother did and took it regardless" She's starting to relax so it's helping to let it out.