Mundane Encounters (Typical Hearts #2)

Kabanata 12

Hey, guys! We all know that Cal and Daze are both soft to each other, lalong-lalo na si Cal na pagkabait. Pero omg, adult/mature content ang chapter na 'to! Hahaha ayun lang, nag-warning lang ako. Skip n'yo na lang kung hindi pa kayo ready sa mature roles nilang dalawa XD.

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The hurtful words Dominic said to me stayed in my head until I got home. It kept repeating on my mind even when I was in my bed, preparing to sleep.

Tumagilid ako sa pagkakahiga. Muli kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko ngunit hindi pa rin talaga ako makatulog. Ang lamig pa 'tapos mag-isa lang ako sa kama. Pakiramdam ko tuloy mas lalo lang akong nalulungkot.

"Nagtataka ka pa kung bakit kita ipinagpalit? Nagtataka ka pa talaga?"

"Walang magmamahal sa 'yo nang totoo dahil pareho ka lang ng mga magulang mong matapobre."

Malalim akong napabuntonghininga at napaupo. I folded my legs up and hugged them as I felt the tightening of my chest. I couldn't help but reflect on myself and think about my actions toward people.

Was I really that cruel? I knew I wasn't the best person anyone could have in their lives, but . . . I believed I wasn't awful. I wasn't like my parents. I wasn't as cold and cruel as my mom. I never treated people badly. Ganoon lang ang pakikitungo ko kay Dominic dahil ginawan niya ako ng pagkakamali at talagang gusto kong ipakita sa kaniya ang galit ko.

Kung hindi naman siya nagloko at trinato ako nang tama, hinding-hindi ako magiging ganito sa kaniya. I wanted to blame him for making me like this towards him. I wanted to make him guilty for it. But then . . . I had a choice, right? I had a choice to be kind. I had a choice not to be cruel.

Naisip ko tuloy kung ganoon din ba ang tingin sa akin ng ibang mga tao -- katulad ng mga sinabi ni Dominic sa akin. I had boyfriends before, but none of them lasted. It was either they were cheating or they were just breaking up with me for no apparent reason. Maybe Dominic was right. Hindi nga siguro ako kamahal-mahal. Walang magmamahal sa 'kin dahil hindi ako karapat-dapat at hindi ganoong kaganda ang ugali ko.

I wondered if Cal would stay with me. Would he stay longer in our marriage? Would he be able to take care of me no matter how cruel I thought I was?

The thought of him leaving me alone someday made my heart ache. He was a very patient and understanding man. If he ever gets tired of staying beside me and putting up with me, then that would mean that I was really a hopeless case. Wala na talagang magtatagal na tao sa buhay ko dahil iyong kilala kong pinakamabait at pinakapasensyosong tao, sumuko na rin sa akin.

Namuo ang luha sa mga mata ko habang naiisip kong baka iwan din ako ni Cal someday. Parang hindi ko makakaya 'yon. Parang masasaktan ako nang sobra kung mangyari man 'yon. Wala naman akong feelings sa kaniya, pero kasi . . . I already wanted him to stay in my life. He's already my family. I care for him. I value and appreciate him a lot.

Muli akong napabuntonghininga bago ako tumayo at nilisan ang kama. Lumabas ako ng kuwarto at huminto sa harap ng kuwarto ni Cal na katabi lamang ng kuwarto ko. Matagal kong tinitigan ang pinto ng kuwarto niya bago ako nagdesisyong kumatok nang dalawang beses.

"Yes? Come in," I heard him inside.

I slowly opened his door and went inside. He was already in bed, reading a book. He was leaning on the headboard as he looked at me confusedly.

"Hey," bati niya.

I remained standing in front of the door after I closed it. I smiled a little at him.

"Hi."

Malambot niya akong tinitigan ngunit bakas pa rin ang bahagyang pagtataka sa kaniyang mukha.

"Anything wrong? Thought you're already sleeping."