So just pull the trigger.

12. Project

It wasn't often that he got an invitation to the visitor's room and when it happened Chris knew whom he could expect, the possibilities were limited after all. When he walked into the room and saw Aki, he couldn't help but feel a small stab of disappointment in his chest, although he knew that he couldn't have expected to see the one that he most longed for. Dreams were the worst, the previous night he had walked these same steps with disbelief and felt deceitful joy when the visitor across the table had been Joni. And in his dream, Joni had smiled at him like had once before. "I'll wait for you," he had promised. "You'll get out soon."

Soon, a couple of months; time was relative, but the days that he still had left in prison felt depressingly long. On the other hand, the reality that he would return to didn't feel all that appealing either, he had lost so much. Aki grinned when Chis sat down and he managed to return some sort of smile to him.

"How have you been?" Aki asked.

"One boring day at a time." Chris sighed and gazed at the other with thoughtful mien. He hadn't heard from Aki for a few weeks although normally he had kept contact quite regularly after his release and had gone through surprisingly much trouble to get closer to Joni. During this silence Chris had felt doubt raising its head; could he trust Aki? What were his motives in the end?

"I have news," Aki said after a moment of silence. "I saw your ex a couple of weeks ago, we were dining at one restaurant." When Chris cocked his eyebrow, Aki chuckled. "I managed to bring Eva to the same place where I knew Joni was with that Ruskie's little brother." He clarified. "We sat at the same table and I found out something... I don't think you're going to like this." 

Chris was quiet and observed the other. He thought he sensed a grin behind his gaze; an emotion that he perhaps tried to disguise as something else but Chris assumed that in reality, Aki was anxiously waiting to tell him the news for reasons that he wasn't entirely certain.

"Go on." He finally urged.

"Joni is engaged, they're looking for an apartment together," Aki whispered. Chris felt a painful stab in his chest, his eyes stung and his temples ached. 

The foreign language around them turned to blur and for a moment it felt almost as if he would have forgotten how to breathe. Chris looked away but could feel Aki's gaze burning on his skin and he could have sworn that he saw a passing smile crossing the other's lips. His chest felt heavy, his palms curled into fists; bitterness, grief, anger, and hatred intertwined and formed a painful lump inside him. It was difficult to reach a clear thought. He looked back at Aki who tried to give him a sympathetic look. "You'll get out soon, then you'll have your revenge," the other said.

Why was Aki willing to go through this much trouble? A small voice questioned in his mind and Chris couldn't find a solid answer.

After his visit, Aki returned home and got a bottle of beer from the fridge. Eva had tried to call him, but he didn't feel like calling her back just then. This role of a boyfriend exhausted him; he didn't feel like playing the part anymore. Relationships, in general, were exhausting; he could deal with them as long as they remained shallow. Aki preferred to keep his privacy, but it was starting to prove difficult. Eva had started asking when she would meet his friends and the truth was that he didn't really have friends, at the time Chris might be close to that term. Aki had acquaintances, nothing more. He wasn't interested in making friends, never in truth. He was good with people when he wanted to, but at times his boredom or in contrast a specific interest in something led to distraction which was about to happen to him again.