So just pull the trigger.

21. How are you doing?

Chris had called Ryan a couple of times and each of those times, the younger man had invited him over to his place without asking further questions. It was just sex. Chris wanted nothing else between them, and Ryan accepted that. Possibly he had other relationships like this and Chris wasn't all that interested. Ryan didn't even know his real name, though perhaps suspected it was something other than Nathan. Ryan accepted his role in Chris's fantasy. Sex between them was intense and rough. Chris never wanted to see Ryan's face during the act, and the younger man didn't seem to mind.

The random sex with Ryan didn't, however, bring relief to the aching feeling in his chest. The longing, bitterness, and loneliness mixed, forming something painful and dark inside him that seemed to spread like cancer in his veins; that is how it felt.

At times, it felt difficult to recognize who he had become. Chris had never dyed his hair before and he wasn't sure when he had gotten the idea, but he found himself sitting at the barber chair explaining that he wanted to be blond and described the haircut he wanted. The young woman, who was doing his hair, was too talkative and too inquisitive for Chris's taste. He answered shortly to her questions and finally took a magazine, which finally worked to shut her up.

When the process was done, Chris was amazed to see his reflection and how much a hairstyle could change. He wondered if Joni would recognize him if they were to meet by chance. It could be that he wouldn't. Perhaps Joni would prefer this style; after all, it did have similarities to his current partner.

Chris started going to the gym more often; some might have said that it was his second home. He was interested in starting boxing again against a real-life opponent, but for that, he needed to practice, sharpen his skills.

"Chris?" A familiar voice interrupted his training one Saturday afternoon when he was beating the punching bag at the gym. Chris turned to look at the man whose face held a surprised mien. "I almost didn't recognize you," Leo said and Chris wiped the sweat from his forehead not knowing what to say at first. He hadn't really seen old acquaintances after his return and now, here Leo was, and he hadn't changed much.

"It's been a long time," Chris noted, not knowing how to take this sudden encounter. 

"It has," Leo smiled. "Gods... I heard a rumor that you've returned but..." He shrugged looking perplexed or perhaps queasy. "Wow, it's odd meeting you here," he finally sighed grinning in a way that felt pretentious to Chris.

"It is." Chris nodded. There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Um... How are you doing?" Leo asked to break the said silence and Chris shrugged.

"Okay," he said and attempted to smile. "And you? Still working at the same firm?"

"Yeah, still there," Leo smiled. "Where do you work now?" Chris felt awkward, he didn't want to answer because it felt embarrassing somehow.

"Well... It's just a temporary job, it's okay while I look for a new job in my field..."

"Okay, well, have you contacted the boss? I'm not sure though that we have any openings at the moment, tough times..."

"I haven't yet," Chris replied. Sure he had thought of it but perhaps he was afraid beforehand that he would be rejected or that his time in jail would be brought up.

"I think you should ask at least," Leo smiled. "Would you like to have a cup of coffee afterward? It would be nice to talk more."

Chris accepted Leo's suggestion and after training, they headed to a nearby coffee shop. Chris felt odd, the person he had once been having started to feel like a stranger to himself and he wasn't sure how to act around Leo. How much did the other know about the events that had brought him back?