So just pull the trigger.

44. Any news?

The wait was the most agonizing. The atmosphere was gloomy and nervous. Jami sat on the bed and restlessly browsed the internet with his cell phone. Joni could die. It could really happen, right? – He found himself pondering. He would not have wanted to think about that option and at the same time, he felt that he had to consider it so that if it happened, the shock would be just a tiny bit softer? But how could such news ever be softly received?

It would change everything. It would hang on their shoulders for months, even years. It would feel like a heavyweight over their chest that would not be easily lifted. No one would smile anymore. Not for a long time at least. And he felt inexplicable and absurd guilt for every evil thought or jealousy he had at times felt for Joni or the relationship between Joni and Misha.

It was unfair and cruel, too horrible to feel real. Something like this should never happen to anyone.

It was somewhat painful to observe Misha from the side without being able to bring any comfort to him. The man's moods were switching between anger, frustration, and fear. Misha tried to stay active and at times as a result of its activity, something broke and the man collapsed, going outside alone to calm down. He also resisted his brother's attempts to get close and comfort him. On the other hand, what could anyone even say in this situation, surely there was nothing that would make this easier.

Jami was disgusted by the thought that he had slept with Aki, that he had found the man pleasant at first, and... it was simply nauseating. Now the picture of the man was everywhere in the afternoon newspapers, in the news. One would think that they'd soon be found because of it.

Jami knew he should have avoided the conversation forums, yet he found himself reading comments that were already speculating on the case. Joni's name was mentioned, some knew for sure who the victim was... It hadn't required much reasoning since the publication of Chris' picture and name.

Some people had no heart, no sympathy, it was easy to be cruel and inappropriate under the protection of a nickname. Jami hoped Misha would not find these online conversations. Jami decided to report them to the admins, so the speculation would stop, but some would have still seen them and... If Joni got home, how would he feel about this? How could one react to the fact that some people knew what had happened and those people would speculate on all the cruel details of a case that would remain a sore wound for years to come.

Whatever the outcome, there was no going back. That thought felt crushing, hard to digest. Jami looked up as he heard the footsteps. Ivo stood in the doorway with his hands in his pockets.

"Joni's dad is coming here," Ivo said.

"Any news?" Jami asked cautiously.

"Police have found an abandoned car about fifty kilometers away from here. Joni's wallet was there... They must have changed cars." Ivo shrugged and looked exhausted. "However, it has been possible to limit searches to a specific radius... based on the time of those calls. It's at least something." Ivo came closer and sat down next to him.

Jami nodded and dropped the phone from his hand on the table. "I read a few forums..." Jami admitted. "Joni's name has already come up. It probably won't be easy if..." Jami interrupted his sentence.

"Damn this mess," Ivo sighed in frustration. "Don't read them anymore and don't talk to Misha about it under any circumstances."

"I won't, of course, I won't," Jami replied quietly.

"The most important thing now is to get Joni back. I think they will be found soon. It'll be fine." Ivo nodded, perhaps to convince himself more. The man got up and Jami looked at him.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"I don't know, it just feels like I should do something, anything. This helpless waiting is the worst... "

Ivo was right. This inaction seemed distressing. Jami got up, and followed his boyfriend downstairs. Maybe he could clean up something?

** ^^ ** ​​^^ **

Asko has applied for an emergency visa to Russia soon after understanding what was happened wanting to hurry to his son's aid and then the man had called with his demands...

The man had not contacted him again, it was already noon the next day. That silence was the worst and filled the space with despair. 

The pictures had been made public and the man must have known that he had already done what he should not have done. Asko's throat choked. "Pay, or you'll never see your son again." The words echoed in his mind. Various grim alternatives to what had happened or would have happened to his son played in his mind. What did the man who blackmailed him want and what did Chris want?

He hoped he could go back in time. When Joni had asked to return home from Oulu with the rest of the family, he should have agreed. Or not to send Joni there at all.

Guilt seemed to eat him inside. It squeezed his chest. He should have intervened when Chris moved to Finland. Recommended to live separately at first. He should have noticed from his son when the relationship had turned violent, how in the world had he been so blind? – a question that had been repeated in his mind often. But even then, it would have been too late to stop the man's obsession.

The error had already occurred. Joni should never have met Chris in the first place!

"You can't blame yourself." His wife had said. "It's useless. This evil could have happened despite what you did or didn't do. Do you understand? Dear, you can't blame yourself! It doesn't benefit anyone!"

Katja was right. It was not helpful, but still, those thoughts refused to give up. The worst thing was to tell the younger children what had happened and fortunately, they had done it before they had time to see the news. Although Joni's identity had not yet been revealed, they noticed that the information began to spread through other means. It was enough that Chris' face and identity had been revealed, some people could easily connect Joni to him.

The children were anxious. The twins were quiet and didn't want to go to school the next day which was understandable. Otherwise, they got nothing out of them, even though Katja tried her best to get them to talk because she thought it would make it easier. Sini revealed her feelings and fears more openly and stayed all night in her mother's arms.

Asko had to ask relatives not to call him, as he waited nervously for contact from Aki. When he finally got a call from an unknown number the following afternoon, he lost his nerve when he realized it was some inappropriate journalist who tried to sound empathetic, but it was easy to read through the greed to get a good and selling article that would fascinate information-hungry readers.

He vented all his rage to the unfortunate reporter before ending the call. He didn't even know how the woman in question had gotten his number, which was unlisted. Asko then realized that it was likely that he'd receive more such calls as the situation progressed. His anxiety piled up and made it impossible to stay sensible and calm. He was unable to provide support to the rest of his family in a state of mind in which he was barely able to stay sensible himself.

When Aki's call did not come, and the emergency visa had been granted surprisingly swiftly, Asko decided that he would travel there. He wanted to be close when Joni was found.

Asko had felt close to collapse and yet he could not afford it. Not yet, not now. Had to act and do something. If he gave in to the fear, he would become completely incapacitated. So, he packed his bags and set off to drive. He had to keep believing his son would be found alive, he wouldn't be able to bear the alternative.