So just pull the trigger.

18. Chat room

Chris struck his fist towards the punching bag in a trying manner, the bag jerked pitifully from the impact giving no satisfaction. He gave another strike, this time getting a bigger movement. He imagined Joni's new boyfriend, his fiancé in its place, and felt the rage building up. He struck, again and again, kick, fist, kick... He had felt frustrated for days and the feeling only kept growing. Work brought at least some routine that helped him keep it together, but as the days progressed he felt loneliness and boredom taking over. Was this really how his life was now?

Day after day, early wake, to the warehouse, then gym, followed by computer and games... And at the same time... Joni was happy with another. Chris hadn't met any of his old acquaintances and no one called, not his family, not his former friends, only Adam and Aki.

Aki had sent him pictures and now he was haunted by an image where Joni was kissing his new partner in a crowded bar. It shouldn't be like this... Joni had given him a promise of something better and then taken it away... And now... It felt difficult to see how things could work out for the better.

It was Friday evening and after leaving the gym, Chris stopped at the store to buy a couple of beers. Boxing had offered him a momentary release of pressure, but another kind of hunger dwelled inside and brought a new kind of frustration that boxing couldn't ease. Different kinds of memories ran through his mind and he couldn't escape them, he couldn't stop thinking about Joni who had become almost like a drug to him. Chris recognized his addiction and that sensible part of him that still tried to divert his thoughts into something else and make him let go of the past was simply losing the fight.

After getting home, he opened his computer, opened a can of beer, and searched for the secret folder where he had saved some of Joni's nude pictures. This was the benefit of digital pictures; you could save them in numerous places. Chris smiled to himself; did Joni think that they were gone completely? And just how desperately did he want that they wouldn't be spread out in the public? - Perhaps he would find that out later. He could feel the heat spread on his skin, his heartbeat speeding up, he licked his dry lips and swept his hand over his crotch. His pants felt tight. He had tried to avoid looking at the pictures but in the end, it was in vain... Still, even these pictures couldn't satisfy the burning hunger inside.

Chris signed into a gay chat by the nick Nathan29. If he wouldn't find suitable company from the chat room then he would proceed his evening into a bar and try his luck there. For a moment he followed others' messages before typing his own. "29-year-old, muscular top searching a brunet, athletic bottom for this evening, age between 18-25." He also wrote the area where he was looking from. He got a couple of replies quite fast, one asked for his measurements, the other wanted to know if a red hair would do and perhaps at any other moment it would have been fine, but now he wasn't prepared to yield. The hair color was important.

Ryan23: 5'7/143, 23 y old. Brown hair, greenish eyes, athletic jogger. Describe yourself more?(173cm65kg)

Nathan29: 6'1/196/7inch. Blue eyes, short light brown hair. (186cm,90kg/18cm)

Ryan23: Sounds good :) What do you have in mind?

Nathan29: I'm horny as hell, don't need useless chit-chat or tender romance.

Ryan23: You like it rougher, huh? ;)

Nathan29: Yes. Can you handle that?

Ryan23: It turns me on.

Nathan29: Good.

Ryan23: I'm going out to a club in town, see you there? If it doesn't click then we both move on.

Nathan29: Just tell me where and when.

They agreed to meet at a gay club that Chris had once visited with Joni. They changed further descriptions of each other, no photographs and this made Chris wonder what kind of guy would eventually show up and if he had lied about his appearance. He didn't question his chance to find a new partner though if Ryan turned out to be a disappointment, but the different matter as if he'd find someone to fill the look criteria.