So just pull the trigger.

42. He's not there anymore

A/N: This chapter is actually betad! by: Charity ❤️ (This was a long chapter so I cut it into two parts.)

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The sun had risen. The soft yellow light filled the living room and created a somewhat dream-like atmosphere. Joni was sitting on the bed; the sun hadn't shone as brightly for days, and it seemed somewhat ironic that it had chosen such a day to finally emerge from hiding.

"Here, I think I remembered your size correctly." Chris said as he dropped the stack of clothes on the bed. T-shirt, college pants, underpants and socks. Joni looked at the pile of clothes silently. He found himself wondering how many days Chris had reserved clean clothes for him.

Joni felt the exhaustion intense. The fight of the previous night ached all over his body. He had barely slept after the medicated sleep. For the rest of the night, well into the morning, Chris had been closely snuggled against him. A strong arm was wrapped around him, and Joni had not been able to move. The man smelled of liquor and it nauseated him.

Joni's gaze wandered towards the bedroom door, which was closed. Behind the door, Aki's corpse still lay. – It was true, it had happened.

"He's not there anymore," Chris said after noticing his gaze. Chris poured himself a glass of whiskey and drank it. 

Joni swallowed. He had witnessed the deaths of two people the night before and yet he was not allowed to think of it any further, not now. In a time of apparent calm, he was alone with the man who had brought him here, who carried a gun on his belt and could use it if he got angry.

He looked at his former partner, who sat down at the table and lit a cigarette. The smoke from the tobacco filled the room and irritated his nostrils. Joni rubbed his face, he wanted to wash himself. He wanted back home. The thought of Misha and his family ached at his chest, squeezing his throat. Joni knew how worried they all were. He had to survive.

Chris seemed pensive, nervous as he smoked his cigarette. Joni looked out for a moment. The branches of the trees sagged under the weight of the snow. He felt the heat on his skin and brought his gaze again to Chris, who stared back at him in silence.

"I'd like to take a shower, can I?" Joni asked cautiously. Chris nodded and quenched his cigarette before getting up.

Joni followed his ex-boyfriend with his gaze until he disappeared somewhere around the corner, and he shifted his gaze back to the window. He felt tears dampen his eyes but held himself back from crying. Chris returned and handed him a towel.

"I'll prepare something to eat for us." He said and Joni nodded softly before getting up. He wrapped a towel around his waist and picked up the clothes with him.

People had survived worse, much worse, he tried to remind himself as he stepped into the bathroom. He lowered the pile of clothes to the shelf level before using the toilet to empty his bladder. 

He would survive this, – Joni repeated in his mind, feeling the need for reassurance. He came to the shower and opened the faucet, his hand touching the water and causing his whole body to shiver from the cold. Joni breathed in, tried to turn the faucet warm, but it didn't have much of an effect. He grit his teeth; he would take it because he desperately wanted to get cleaned.

The bottle of shower soap was white and on the side was a picture of a lime and mint, the text was in Russian saying something about freshness. He felt a strong lime aroma as she squeezed the liquid on his palm before rubbing his skin in the cold shower. The scent was so strong that he suspected he would remember it forever, a trace of this moment, a place he would not have cared to go back to.