So just pull the trigger.

32. That's the right spirit

Joni hadn't really slept; his thoughts were running wild and the idea that he really should get proper sleep didn't exactly help. He had dozed off on the couch for some time, the tablet on his lap and when he had opened his eyes it had been half-past seven in the morning, the last time he had checked it had been 6.10 am. Little over an hour of sleep didn't help. His body ached, his muscles felt heavy, and he wasn't sure how he'd survive the photo shoot that he should be attending at ten am

The pictures hadn't been published yet, but Joni thought that it was only a matter of time. Kasper had only been a start. His mood had shifted from one edge to the other during the night and it had brought him to tears, part fear, part bitterness. He had wondered how the publishing of the pictures would affect his life and his work, how it would affect his relationship with Misha.

Most people wouldn't pay attention, not really, but the rude comments would without a doubt follow. Hurtful comments that would upset him and what if those idiots would appear at his workplace? People who thought they were funny or superior or something.

 The next moment he felt rage, cursed silently, and hacked his pillow with his fist because it was the only thing he could beat without making too much noise that would wake Misha. Then he tried to find the reassurance that he would survive and not let Chris or Aki overcome him. He thought that perhaps publishing those pictures was the worst that Chris planned to do with Aki and next to everything else it was the lesser evil.

He had started to think of other options, options that had crossed his mind before but now it felt like a good time to consider further. He wouldn't want to stay in Helsinki if the pictures were published, whether it made him a coward or not. He wanted to start from a clean slate with Misha.

Sighing Joni got up, Misha's reaction to the pictures frightened him. He needed coffee to face the day.

**

Misha started to wake up, he automatically searched for the warmth of his partner next to him but couldn't find it. Drowsily he opened his eyes, looked around, and heard the coffee boiling in the kitchen.

 Joni must have had another sleepless night, he pondered and got up. He got dressed before going to the kitchen. Joni sat at the kitchen table, his back towards the door, leaning toward the table.

" Good morning," Misha said. " Another sleepless night?" He asked. Joni sighed and straightened up in his chair. On the table, Misha saw Joni's tablet with its screen closed.

"Yeah..." Joni said with an exhausted tone. Misha placed his hand on his shoulder and Joni turned to look at him, looking just as exhausted as he sounded.

"Has something happened?" He asked.

"Kasper had received some of those pictures that Chris took. They were emailed to him. Those copies that he promised that he had given to me! I should have known better not to trust that asshole..." Joni snorted. "I haven't found them anywhere else online yet, but it worries me."

Misha cursed and leaned closer to hug him. "What on earth are they playing at?" Misha wondered. "There must be something that we can do?"

"If Chris decides to publish them somewhere online there's really nothing to stop him." Joni sighed. "There they are then... One place could be closed but someone always has time to copy them and then they appear somewhere else, that's how it goes, right?" He was silent for a while and then felt the anger simmering inside him when he thought about the matter. "Damn Chris!" Joni cursed with frustration. "I'm so angry, why did I have to get involved with that asshole!"

Misha rubbed Joni's shoulders for a while. He knew Joni was right concerning the pictures and it was something they couldn't control. He shared the rage that Joni felt towards Chris, he almost felt like asking; yeah, why did you? But it was not something to say out loud, he wouldn't win any boyfriend points with that question. There must have been something good at the start to wake Joni's feelings and make the decision to move in with him...