So just pull the trigger.

46. I want to go home

Asko rushed to the hospital lobby with Misha on his heels. His mind cruised restlessly between worry and relief. Relief from the knowledge that his son was alive and at the same time worried about not knowing more details about his condition.

Adam had called. He said he had talked to Chris, and said he had revealed their whereabouts to him. And although Asko had tried to demand the information from the man, he had not agreed to give it.

"The police are already on their way there. They'll take care of the situation, it's better. I am sure you will be notified as soon as the situation is resolved. I just wanted to tell you now, so that you know Joni is alive. " The man explained as calmly as he could. 

Asko had been out of his mind with fear. He was afraid something would go wrong. He would have liked to be there himself so that he could receive his child directly from the nightmare he had experienced. However, his demands to get more detailed information from Adam were futile.

"Will you call me when the situation is over, okay?" Adam had asked. "I have to go now." The man had added before ending the call. His mind understood, but his emotions did not.

It took more than an hour after Adam's call before he was contacted from the hospital. During that hour, his mind had had time to go through the many different options of how the situation would resolve. He tried to prepare himself for the worst even though he knew there was no way he could ever be ready for it. An hour had never felt so long.

When he was told that Joni was alive and safe in the hospital, he felt a wave of relief go through his whole existence. Joni was alive, nothing else mattered, everything else could be fixed. They didn't waste time, took a clean change of clothes for Joni and set off.

"I was informed that my son, Joni Lehto, has been brought here." Asko spoke English to the woman behind the emergency desk. His voice was breathless, his heart pounding in agitation. At first, the woman didn't seem to quite understand until Misha explained the same in Russian. The woman asked them to wait until she sought a doctor with more information.

The men looked at each other briefly. Anxiety was present, fear of what state Joni would be in.

Misha felt the tightness in his throat, he clenched his teeth. The nightmare he had seen the previous night haunted his thoughts. In the dream they had also been invited to the hospital and they had waited on wooden benches in the hallway when a door to one of the rooms had finally opened and a worried and serious looking male doctor had entered the hallway. The footsteps echoed as the man approached and the look in the man's eyes... Misha had known. He had wanted to get up and walk out, but his body refused to stand. He had thought that as long as he wouldn't hear the words it wouldn't have happened. The doctor had kept coming closer and still his legs refused to work. Asko and Katja had started crying inconsolably and the words from the man's mouth were foreign, slow and still completely incomprehensible in Misha's ears. He had awakened with a cry, gasped for breath, and thanked for any higher power that might have existed; it had only been just a dream.

** ^^ ** ​​^^ ** ​​^^ **

Joni sat on the bed in the examination room, the room the doctor had just left. He felt numb, the tears had dried on his face. He sat there and tried to shut off the flow of his thoughts, not wanting to go through everything that had happened. He wanted to forget.

Joni looked towards the window, the blinds were open and revealed a purple darkness. Slowly he shifted his gaze to the wall clock, it was 2:35 in the morning. The gunshots still echoed in his ears. Chris had been lying in the snow. He didn't want to think about it but the image refused to leave his brain.