So just pull the trigger.

20. This is getting ridiculous

Jami sat at the kitchen table with a steaming hot cup of tea in front of him. It was only nearing four in the afternoon but it was beginning to get dark outside. There wasn't even a small promise of snow outside even though it was early December. His hands shook slightly as he brought the cup to his lips; the agonizing feeling in his chest had stubbornly stuck with him since that morning and seemed to send a wave-like chill through his body from time to time. Jami closed his eyes and sighed, he should have just come straight home from work yesterday, should have...

Finally, the doorbell rang and Jami rose almost reluctantly to open. As expected Sonja stood behind the door, looking like her usual cheerful self, a bag on her shoulder and a bottle of white wine in her hand. What was not expected was that Joni stood beside her, offering a careful smile wondering if things were okay between them and Jami had asked himself the same question.

Sonja hugged him when she entered the house.

"You look tired, how late were you out yesterday?"

"Pretty late..." Jami admitted quietly as Joni stepped further inside as well. Jami gave the younger man an embarrassed look. "Listen, Joni, last night..." He started scratching his neck. "I hope you can forgive me, I was foolish and I was drunk if that excuses my behavior at all."

"It's okay, it's forgotten... It's not like I never would have drunk too much," Joni smiled. "How are you feeling?"

"Not like a champion..." Jami admitted.

"I'm sure it will pass," Joni comforted. "Look, I have to get going, I just wanted to stop by for a moment, so that there wouldn't remain any tension between us."

"I'm glad that you came, I feel pretty embarrassed about last night," Jami admitted with a serious tone. "Tell Misha that I said hi," he added with a smile that he couldn't hold for long.

"I will have fun you two!"

When Joni had left, Jami walked towards the kitchen and Sonja followed close behind him.

"Want a glass of wine?" She asked, already searching for glasses in the kitchen cabinets.

"I think I'll stick with tea..." Jami said and sat back down in front of the table. His tea had unfortunately chilled.

"You drank so much yesterday?" Sonja wondered and took a glass for herself feeling disappointed that she couldn't get drinking company from Jami.

"Too much," Jami admitted, holding the cup between his hands and miserably looking at Sonja.

"Did something else happen yesterday?" Sonja asked worriedly and took a seat opposite him. Jami seemed to hesitate.

"I think I screwed up badly..." Jami finally blurted, his eyes glistened slightly and Sonja became more worried.

"Tell me?" She requested with a soft tone.

"Well... You remember when I told you about that customer who always leaves tips?" Jami started.

"I remember."

"Well, yesterday I ran into him at the club and he offered me a drink... or two... and..." Jami closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Then I woke up at his place this morning... naked in his bed..." Jami looked at Sonja and cursed silently when he felt the first tears on his cheek. "I feel like shit, Sonja," he muttered. "I drank too much and I lost my memory... I have no recollection of how we ended up at his place but apparently..." Jami gave a joyless chuckle, "We had sex..."

"What do you mean apparently?"

"I really can't remember, but...um... I feel it, you know?" Jami swallowed, looking down at his teacup. "And he said it was awesome, that I loved it," to this, he snorted and drew a shaky breath.  "I only recall blurry images here and there..." Jami's eyes started watering. "I remember that I flirted with him, that we had fun at the club. We may have danced... but then it gets blurry... I feel so ashamed, so regretful, I don't know what I should do, what will I say to Ivo? He said he used a condom but I can't remember and what if he's lying? Of course, there was no trace of, you know... but...What will I do Sonja?" Jami started to tremble. "What if I have some disease now? I have to tell Ivo, I couldn't live with myself if...." He was starting to get hysterical. "But I know Ivo will leave me if I tell him, but I can't just not tell him either, right? I can't possibly think of enough excuses not to have sex with him 'till I know the results and I am a terrible liar..."