A Beast's Heart (english version)

24.

A knock jolted me out of confused reverie. I felt the pain throbbing in my cheek and screwed up my face as I raised my head a little. It was pitch dark, only the light from the many torches in the courtyard dimly finding its way to my window.
"Come in?"
I was unfamiliar with people knocking on my door. Usually people always entered just like that. I was all the more confused when the door creaked open and Lord Tywin himself entered my chamber. He held an oil lamp in his hand, its dim light casting bizarre shadows on the wall. The light of the tiny flame strongly accentuated his blue eyes, which sparkled curiously. He looked around and wrinkled his nose a little, as if he didn't like this room at all. But he was also clearly used to better.
"I heard my assistant had an altercation with an iron gauntlet and could not work today?"
"No, my lord, forgive me," I replied, bowing my head to him, but not without groaning softly in pain. Tywin took the small step towards me and squatted down in front of my small couch.
"Let me see...", barely noticeably his fingers touched the spot, but I immediately recoiled. I heard Tywin's softly growled "Hold still!" and gulped. With his index finger and thumb, he took my chin and turned my head slightly to the side. I could feel his breath on my skin as he examined the spot closely. Then he pulled back again.
"It seems to have really hit you full on. How are you feeling?"
"A little dizzy, but a little better, my lord."
I didn't know so much gentleness from him. It was unusual and somehow frightening.
He put the oil lamp down on the floor and sat on the edge of the couch. I pulled my feet up and slid as far away from him as I could.
"Who taught you to read?" he asked suddenly and I looked at him in confusion, "You knew which book I was referring to earlier, although I didn't tell you exactly where it was."
"I guessed, my lord."
He looked straight at me, seeming a little disappointed by my answer.
"What do you mean?"
"The story of the big houses and the little houses.... I assumed there were many of them and many houses take up a lot of space on many pages. So I decided to use the biggest and heaviest book. Such connecting of information I learned from my father."
"Clever... I taught reading to my son Jaime. The maester came to me at one point and said he wasn't learning it. He didn't understand the letters, he kept getting them mixed up. The maester said he had heard about this condition before and we had to put up with it. So I made Jaime read four hours a day until he learned. He hated me... For a while... A long time... But he learned."
The longer the lord narrated, the more his face took on an expression I hadn't seen from him before. His gaze was fixed on the wall in the distance, I heard him snort softly in amusement. He was no longer here, that much was certain. He was somewhere else, at a time that remained unknown to me.
He half turned to me again and looked me straight in the face.
"Where is your father? Is he still alive?"
A nasty stab bored into my heart and I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. The images returned and my voice became quiet and brittle.
"No, my lord."
"What was he?"
"Simple builder, my lord."
Tywin nodded in understanding and continued to eye me.
"A builder with a well-developed logical mind, it seems to me. He might have turned out to be something. What did he die of?"
I averted my eyes and stared at the ground beside his boots.
"Of a heroic deed," I whispered bitterly. I didn't want to talk about it any further. His questions hurt me immensely.
"You're a sharp little thing, aren't you?"
My gaze met his again, once more a sense of pride flooded through me beneath the praise. Moreover, curiosity gripped me. This was a game two could play!
"And you...? Excuse me, my lord, I am not allowed questions..."
"No. But you've already begun."
"Did you know your father, my lord?"
He glanced at the wall again; I saw his jaw grind.
"Yes, I did. I grew up with him. And watched him grow old. He loved us. He was a good man. But a weak man. He almost destroyed our house and our name..."
He exhaled, did not speak further. For him, the subject seemed to be over, so I settled for the answer.
Suddenly the question arose in my mind why I was talking to him at all. Even if I didn't like it, I was genuinely interested in what he had to say. Lord Tywin was a very clever man, I had to give him that. And his manner of expression somehow fascinated me.
A movement snapped me out of my thoughts; he had stood up and picked up the oil lamp from the floor. He went to the door and looked at me again, but this time with the same expressionless look as always. The gentle moment was over.
"Tomorrow morning you will wake me and work as usual, understand?"
"Yes, my lord."
"Bring your wits, I want to test something."
I nodded and he turned to go. But he wavered and turned his head to me once more.
"Do you actually have a name?"
We looked at each other for a long time. Should I think of another name? Tell the lion my real name? My tongue was quicker than my mind.
"Lena, my lord."
"Lena..." he repeated thoughtfully, then walked out without another word, pulling the door shut behind him.
What was that just now? Why had he been here?
I leaned back into the pillow and closed my eyes again. Dreams of a reading boy and my father accompanied me through the night, as did two bright blue eyes that followed me wherever I went and a raspy voice that whispered my name thoughtfully....