A Beast's Heart (english version)

44.

"Lord Tywin?"
The next morning before we left, I joined Tywin in the tent.
The lion growled and rolled in his cot as he muttered softly.
"Leave her...alone!...Get out...before I make you..."
I tilted my head a little and waited a moment before waking him. The curiosity was just too much.
"Lena...I'm sorry," he murmured softly and I froze, "I couldn't...do anything..."
"Lord Tywin! Lord Tywin, you are dreaming! Wake up!"
I gently shook him by the shoulder, then he snapped his eyes open and immediately sat upright. He looked around for a moment, then frowned.
"Help me into the armour, we must go on."
Nothing had changed, he was still cold and short tempered. I thought of Kevan's nightly words and swallowed, then helped him into the armour and set off to help the soldiers dismount and leave. Finally we rode on, the rain had stopped once more and only the old familiar grey carpet of clouds hung over our heads.
Tywin looked as grim as ever and hardly spoke a word all day. He didn't exchange a word with me, at most with Kevan about the upcoming battle.
In the evening, he set up camp again and retreated into his tent. I could hardly stand the silence, but before I could get to him, his brother ran to him....

~~~

I was biting into an apple when I caught sight of Kevan.
"What's up? You look like you've been chased by dogs."
"A talk. Brother to brother, if you know what I mean."
I sighed softly and bit off another piece of apple before turning my gaze back to my younger brother.
"I'm all ears."
"I had an interesting conversation with your assistant Lena last night..."
I almost choked on my apple and glared at him.
"You had WHAT? Didn't I tell you to stay out of it?"
Kevan laughed softly.
"I might have. But my dear elder brother is a stubborn one who needs a little help sometimes. Lord of Casterly Rock or not."
"Don't talk as if we are still children, we are both clearly too old for that!"
He took a seat and looked at me urgently.
"Has she apologised to you yet?"
"No. And she doesn't need to. I can fool myself just as well on my own. She hates me and I've realised that now."
Kevan snorted in amusement. I raised an eyebrow in annoyance.
"I don't see what's so amusing about that now."
"Tywin, you're an old ass! She doesn't hate you. You know this pain well enough, put yourself in her shoes. Is the world bright and full of sunshine for you?"
Was he pulling my leg? My anger rising, I glared at him coldly.
"Do I look bright and happy to you, huh?"
"Well, you see. And then you wonder why she seems so hateful. Seven hells, she was a child when they took her family from her! Our men! From one day to the next she was on her own, you must have realised that too!"
"Yes, I did too, but-"
"Please don't interrupt me, I wasn't finished."
I snorted and sat back. Kevan continued to speak.
"When you were little, you didn't differentiate when someone teased you either. Not until Father explained it to you. She had to learn that herself. And how was she supposed to know that soldiers also like to take advantage of their position sometimes and become violent of their own free will?"
"Get to the point, Kevan."
I was bothered by this conversation, I saw no point in it. What did he want me to say?
My brother put all his eggs in one basket, for he suddenly leaned forward a little and eyed me even more than before.
"I'm going to ask you a question now and you're going to answer it honestly. All right?"
"Yes, yes. Hurry up, we have to move soon," I replied, massaging my nose bone in annoyance. He took a deep breath.
"Do you like her?"
With a rumble, the apple fell out of my hand onto the table, rolled over and finally dropped onto the floor. An unbearable oppressive silence filled the air as I couldn't take my eyes off Kevan.
"Did I hear you right?"
"Do you want me to ask the question again? I want to know if you like Lena."
"Kevan, are you still in your right mind? She's a servant, I'm a lord. It's never about whether I like her. The main thing is that she does her job."
"Tywin Lannister! Your eyes have shone like that before! Don't even deny it!"
I rolled my eyes and glanced to the side. What was my brother's problem now?
"Why are you suddenly so fond of it? We're going into battle tomorrow, in case you've forgotten."
"Let me be honest with you: for almost forty years you have been insufferable to your fellow man. You ignored our sister for half a year because she said something that didn't suit you. If through this girl there is a chance to see the more gentle Tywin again, then I support that. You're my brother, I want to see you happy! But then you have to let that happen."
"Kevan, stop it! It takes two for that. I'm certainly not going to force Lena to do anything she dislikes."
He reached triumphantly for a wine glass.
"So it's true after all! You like her!"
"Seven bloody hells, yes damn it! Are you finally satisfied? My goodness, sometimes you really are worse than Genna!"
I rubbed my nose bone again, thinking about what I had just said. Suddenly I was gripped by an icy cold and frowned. I had admitted to myself that I liked Lena. Was I now being unfaithful to Joanna? ...