A Beast's Heart (english version)

49.

I wandered around for what felt like hours, keeping to the edge of the battle as much as possible. I saw one after another die, close to me a boy my age was pulling away a wounded little man in Lannister armour. I wanted to call Tywin, but my mind advised against it. I had to find him that way before enemy soldiers became aware of me.
So my gaze continued to wander over the broad mass of fighting men, my hands shaking badly. Why couldn't I see him? Was he already...? No, Lena, don't think about it! Just keep looking, he's fine!
And then I saw him.
A thousand stones seemed to fall from my heart.
He was fighting bravely, had jumped off his horse and was crossing his blade with two other men. He moved very gracefully and deliberately. Almost as if he had never done anything else.
However, he was so busy with the two that he didn't notice the third approaching him from behind.
Suddenly I seemed numb. The shouting men, horses and swords sounded only in the background, muffled and far away. I heard only my own frightened gasps; time seemed to stand still. My legs started moving uncontrollably before my vision blurred. I stood before Lord Tywin at Harrenhal again, his sword in my hands.
"A firm stance and marksmanship are paramount in battle, as is speed. Otherwise you will never be able to hold your own against soldiers. Words alone will not always save you, though they too can be sharp weapons."
I blinked, getting closer and closer to the soldier. I would not let him kill Tywin! Unerringly, I tightened my grip on the sword, held it level to the ground and let out an angry roar before ramming the blade into the soldier's back.
He reared back, dropped his sword and went to his knees. I pulled the sword out of his back and staggered back a few steps, startled, while the body in front of me still twitched and finally lay motionless.
Tywin turned to face us and when his eyes met mine, he froze. He pulled off his helmet. His eyes widened before sparkling with anger.
"Lena! What in the seven-"
That was as far as he got, for at that very moment steel ate into my left side. Again I screamed out, but this time in pain. Hotly, I staggered and looked at Tywin for help. He reacted immediately, plunged his sword into the chest of the soldier next to me and caught me the next moment as I fell to the ground. Coldly, I felt his bloody breastplate, but still pressed against it. Was it now the end of me?
He squatted on the ground, holding me in his arms.
"Lena, I forbid you to die!" he spoke seriously, but I could hear the slight panicked tremor in his voice.
My vision blurred more and more, the pain was unbearable. My one hand pressed on the wound, I felt the blood warm and moist. My other hand felt uncontrollably up Tywin's harness until I finally found his cheek. There I paused, wiped some dirt from the corner of his eye with my thumb.
"Don't die, Lena! Do you understand me?!"
"For you...", I gasped, struggling with the last of my strength, "Again and again..."
The last thing I saw were his widened eyes, then my head fell against his armour and a deep darkness enveloped me. I experienced the next few moments in bits and pieces. Another soldier lifted me up, Lord Tywin put his helmet back on.
"Take her to Pycelle at once!"
This sentence continued to echo through the depths in my ears, over and over again.

I briefly saw an old man with a long beard and a chain around his shoulders.
"Put her here on the table..."
Then everything went black again.
Next I saw thousands of small glass bottles on a shelf.
"Damn it, girl, stay here!" a voice croaked.
At that, I sank into darkness again....
It took me a while to fight my way back to the surface. More and more I felt the hard ground. I was bitterly cold. I wished myself back to the night before the battle, wished myself back to Tywin's side. I should have realised it then! I should have told him about it! The feelings for him had overwhelmed me, he conquered my beast. What I had never thought possible was becoming a reality. Tywin had saved me from my own dark side. And I was sure by now that it was love I felt for him. So this was what Margaret had meant. My heart felt something other than hate.
I felt as if someone had put lead on my shoulders. My head felt empty and yet booming full at the same time. My eyes opened slowly and burned because of the brightness, I had to blink several times. I perceived vague outlines and the voices became louder and clearer.
"How is she?"
"It hit her really hard, my lord. She was suffering from a wound fever. I can't promise anything, but it seems to be cured soon."
"If she dies, I will execute you myself for it."
I would recognise that growl among thousands! He was here! Tywin was alive!
Slowly my mouth opened, I wanted to call out to him. But my voice sounded foreign.
"Lord...Tywin...?"
Slowly my vision sharpened, I saw him. In a black robe of leather, he stood there, looking down at me seriously.
"Lena? Can you hear me?"
"Clearly and...distinctly, my lord," I replied hoarsely, smiling slightly. Seeing him well filled me with renewed strength. But suddenly his expression was petrified and his voice quivered.
"What in all seven hells were you thinking! You could be dead!"
The other voice sounded on the other side of the room.
"My lord, you should-"
"OUT!" the lion roared and I gulped. He seemed really pissed.
I heard a door open and close again, then his eyes locked on me again.
"You could be dead!" he repeated, this time choked and quiet. I groped slowly for his hand, clinging to it like a drowning man to his driftwood.
"Better me than you."
He shook his head violently, and I took a deep breath, gathering my strength. I just had to tell him.
"I couldn't bear the thought of seeing you lying dead somewhere. I...I just like you too much for that! You..."
I fell silent. My strength wasn't enough for that after all. To my astonishment, he bent down to me, his eyes shining brightly.
"Just answer me one more thing, Lena - were you really lying next to me the night before last, or was it just a dream?"
"If it was, then we share this one, my lord."
He stared at me for a moment, then his voice sounded as brittle as mine.
"Tywin. Call me...only Tywin...please."
I felt his lips warm on my forehead and felt a fire erupt in my chest. I shivered but lay still, not stopping him. It was probably because of the paralysis, but I no longer cared. We were both alive. And he seemed just as pleased about it as I was....