A Beast's Heart (english version)

53.

I had the feeling of leaving the ground. In my head there was suddenly total emptiness and in my stomach that sinking feeling intensified a thousandfold. I felt Tywin's arms slowly wrap around me and I put my arms around his neck. It seemed an eternity passed before we broke away from each other. There was a milky haze in his eyes as he looked at me silently. I returned the look and my smile grew with each successive heartbeat. It hurt already, it was so unusual for me to smile so broadly.
"That...that was...breathtakingly beautiful," I whispered tonelessly and blinked. Tywin shook his head minimally before lowering his head to me again and sealing my lips with his a second time. This time, however, more forcefully. I seemed to have long since stopped standing on the floor, no, the longer he kissed me, the more I felt like I was floating. My heart seemed to be racing as his hands slowly and carefully settled on my hips. Very careful not to touch my scar.
"Tywin," I whispered against his lips, wrapping my arms even tighter around his neck.
"I'm here," he replied with a low growl and I flinched fearfully. He understood and immediately broke away from me. His eyes had darkened a shade, his breathing was heavier. So did mine.
"I'm sorry," he breathed softly, stroking my cheek gently, "I didn't mean to scare you. I'm with you, nothing more will happen to you, I promise."
I nodded and steadied myself, but flinched again when there was a thunderous crash against the door from outside.
"Stay here," Tywin ordered quietly, "Not a peep out of you! I'll be right back."
I nodded silently and sat down on the bed almost silently as he disappeared back into the other room. His study.
"Father," I heard an unfamiliar voice and listened. There was silence for a moment, then the voice continued.
"The badge suits you well. Almost as well as it suited me. Are you enjoying your new position?"
I heard Tywin snort.
"Do I enjoy it?"
"I was happy as Hand of the King."
Quietly, I got up and crept to the door. I peeked through the narrow crack at a smallish man sitting at the desk in front of Tywin. Tywin laughed softly.
"Yeah... I know how happy you were. You put a whore into my bed."
I glanced briefly at the bed, then back through the door.
"It wasn't your bed then."
"I sent you here to advise the king. I offered you power and influence. But you preferred - as you always have - to sleep with harlots and drink with thieves."
The younger man laughed.
"Sometimes I drink with the harlots too."
Tywin stood up, taking his goblet from the desk.
"What do you want, Tyrion?"
Tyrion? I remembered roughly the conversation with Kevan and swallowed. I could hear exactly the growing coldness in Tywin's voice.
"Why does everyone always assume I want something? Can't I just visit my beloved father? My beloved father who somehow forgot to visit his wounded son who was cut down on the battlefield. Instead, he sat beside his servant, who followed him here from Harrenhal, I heard."
His voice carried a certain sharp undertone. Tywin remained unaffectedly cool.
"Grandmaester Pycelle assured me your wounds were not fatal. Hers, on the other hand, almost were."
He was with me, I thought. He was with me rather than with his own son.
"I organised the defence of this city while you held court in the ruins of Harrenhal. I led the storm when the enemy was at the gates, while your grandson, the king, trembled with fear behind the walls. I bled in the mud for our family. And in return, I was relegated to a dark little cell. What do I want? A little bit of gratitude for the beginning."
I felt a little sorry for him already. He had struggled even more than I had. And yet he seemed to be treated like dirt. His face was adorned with a long scar, still slightly red.
Tywin poured himself some wine.
"Jugglers and singers require applause. You're a Lannister. Do you think I would have asked for a garland of roses every time I was injured on the battlefield? Hm? So... I have seven kingdoms to govern. Three of them are in open rebellion. So tell me now what you want."
He sat down again, I leaned forward tensely.
"I want what is rightfully mine. Jaime is your eldest son, heir to your lands and titles, but he is in the Kingsguard. He is forbidden to marry and inherit. When Jaime donned the white cloak, he lost his claim to Casterly Rock. I am your son and rightful heir."
Silence. The tension seemed palpable in the air, filtered over to me.
"You want Casterly Rock," Tywin stated dryly.
"It is mine by right."
The great lion was silent again for a moment, then he spoke quietly on.
"We will find an accommodation worthy of your name, and one that pays deserved tribute to your achievement at the Battle of Blackwater Bay. And when the time is right, you will be given a position worthy of your talents, where you can serve your family and uphold our heritage. If you stand for it faithfully, you will be rewarded with a suitable wife," I could see him grinding his jaws from here and his voice lowered to that old familiar low growl, "But I would let myself be consumed by maggots before mocking our family name and making you heir to Casterly Rock."
I ducked my head slowly. He was angry. Very angry.
"Why?" asked Tyrion quietly. Tywin suddenly became loud and I flinched.
"Why?! You ask that?! You who killed your mother to come into the world! You are a illmade, spiteful little creature, full of envy, lust and low cunning! Men's laws give you the right to bear my name and coat of arms because I cannot prove that you are not mine. To teach me humility, the gods force me to watch you waddle about under the banner of the proud lion that was my father's sigil and his father's before him. But neither gods nor men will ever make me allow you to turn Casterly Rock into your whore house. Go! Now! And never speak of your claims to Casterly Rock again. Go!"
I made myself smaller and smaller, slowly retreating from the door. I had never seen him so angry. It frightened me. I saw Tyrion still walking away and heard Tywin snarl again.
"And another thing... The next whore I catch in your bed, I'll hang!" ...