A Beast's Heart (english version)

2.

I had to swallow. It had been a very long time since I had told anyone my name. Should I quickly think of another name? Why should I? Nobody knew me.
My name came a little brittle over my lips.
"L..Lena...my name is Lena."
Thoros nodded and a slight smile played around his lips.
"You don't strike me as particularly open to other people, Lena," he said and I blinked.
"I avoid others as best I can."
"And yet here you are," he stated and I nodded.
"Looks like it."
"You still look very young. I'm guessing you about seventeen. Is that about right?"
Again I nodded. I didn't like this line of questioning. Thoros didn't give me the impression of an evil man, yet I had become very cautious in this area in recent years.
"Be careful who you trust," my father had taught me, "Many only want to take advantage of you and then drop you like a hot piece of meat."
Callan returned with two mugs which he placed in front of us.
"Your stew is almost ready, girl," I said and nodded my thanks.
"Why are you roaming around here all alone, Lena?", Thoros resumed our conversation as Callan disappeared to another table, "Especially in wartime, that can quickly become dangerous!"
"What else have I got to lose?", I retorted, sipping the goat's milk. He looked at me for a long time and said two words.
"Your life."
I stared at my cup and he continued to speak.
"Even though you may not believe it now, the Lord of Light has a path planned for all of us. You must take care of yourself to follow that path to the end!"
An amused snort escaped me unintentionally.
"You want me to take care of myself, you say? If I didn't take care of myself, I'd be dead by now. But since I'm still here, I seem to be doing everything right."
He ran a thoughtful hand over his beard, gave me a searching look.
"I realise you're stronger than you look. You will become something great yet!"
"Did the Lord of Light just whisper that to you?"
"Please don't make fun of me for that."
I shrugged apologetically. Callan placed a bowl of stew in front of me.
"Bon appetit," he said with a smile, "Just come into the kitchen afterwards and you can get started. Thoros, are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"
"No, Callan, thank you very much. Beric's coming to get me in a minute. Who knows where that dog has been all this time."
"Where are you going?" now came from me. The stew was outwardly comparable to a pile of mud in rainy times, but it didn't taste bad. It could have been worse! Thoros looked at me and drank his beer.
"You know, we move everywhere sometimes. So do you. The only difference is - we're a group."
I understood that he didn't want to elaborate and left it at that. It was better that way, I didn't want to discuss my solo moves again.
Suddenly the door opened behind us and a tall man with an eye patch came in.
"Thoros, are you ready?"
"There he is, our Beric!" exclaimed Thoros, finishing his beer. He put some gold on the table and looked at me again.
"Pleased to have made your acquaintance, Lena. Perhaps we will meet again sometime."
I nodded and let him go with the other man. He had made a nice impression on me, yet I remained cautious. First appearances could always be deceiving.
I ate my stew and then took the dishes to the kitchen. A small room, consisting of a stove, a washing tub and a few cupboards. Still bigger than our kitchen back then, I thought, remembering wistfully, then shaking my head. Now was not the time!
Through another open door I discovered a staircase. I wondered what was hiding up there? I didn't get a chance to think about it further, when Greta stepped into my field of vision.
"You can start right away," she said, pointing to the wash tub, "How did you like it?"
"Good," I replied simply. I had already talked far too much today by my standards.
Greta whirled back and forth beside me as I started the dishes.
"You don't talk much, do you?"
"Only the most necessary things," I replied curtly without looking up.
"I always find that kind of thing a pity. You know, very few women come here and you can't talk to the men."
"Me neither," I muttered, stacking the clean dishes. I just wanted to get out of here.
Finally the last bowl was clean and I looked at Greta.
"Is there anything else I can do?"
Just at that moment, Callan came in.
"Very good job! Wouldn't you like to stay here perhaps? Greta could use some help and you'd have a roof over your head."
"That's really very nice, Callan, but I'd rather move on. I'd prefer to get out of the Riverlands altogether, there's...just too much going on here that I'd...like to forget."
The two looked at each other briefly and then nodded almost in sync.
"All the best," Callan said and Greta whirled around.
"Wait a minute... Who knows when you'll get something again."
She came back to me with a canteen and a piece of bread.
"That's very sweet of you. I still owe you..."
"Think again about my offer," Callan said some more, "Come back if you want. The door is open to you!"
I nodded and left the inn. In the barn I still had hidden my small bag that I had taken from home that time. A second pair of trousers and some kind of shirt were in it with my sheepskin. It had always been my favourite thing in the house and when the longing became too great, I would take it out and press it firmly to my nose. Then the smell usually calmed me down and I could move on more relaxed.
I stowed the bread in the bag before throwing it over my shoulder and tied the bottle to my trousers again. Then I stepped out of the barn and thought again.
Maybe Callan and Greta weren't so bad after all...? But no. I had to finally forget! But how could I, when every day I breathed the air that had been shredded by those cruel screams that day...?