The Sinners

Sin: part 4 (a)

Oh, boy— was it humiliating to get pushed away by your ex-boyfriend. Yes, it was.

"Make me another drink," I said to the bartender.

Since the day Joshua stopped me to kiss him, I've been drinking almost every day. I don't get what I'm so disappointed at! Just because he didn't let me kiss him? He's not even my boyfriend! What the hell is wrong with me? 

I drank the whole glass of soju. "One more," 

None of us contacted each other since I walked out of his house without an explanation. I don't know if I was angry at him or at myself— to think that he still loved me. Suddenly, a bell rang in my mind. Wait, does it mean... am I?

"Shit," I mumbled to myself. "I'm in— I'm in love with him?"

I placed a hand on my heart. It's the thing I do whenever I'm unsure about something. Then I try to listen to the first sentence that comes from inside. And now, what my heart saying is...

Go to his home right now and kiss him senseless.

"Fuck, I'm screwed," I sighed.

I swallowed four more shots in me trying to repel the thought of being in love. And on top of that— with him again?!

I put a halt on drinking, to stay sober enough to walk to my home without tripping or stumbling on the way. But, I wasn't much sober enough to notice that my door was unlocked when I went inside which I clearly locked before leaving. I always do, if not then what am I being a cop for?

Before going straight to my bedroom, removing my clothes, and plopping on the cozy mattress, I glanced at the clock in the living room, it was 2 am. Gosh, I was wasted for so long. Now, I feel like one of those exes, drinking all night, wanting to win back his boyfriend, and doing nothing for it. 

But once I drifted into a deep slumber I remembered zero things the next morning. My hangover was still not over. I was sure 'cause when I opened my eyes, my beautiful angel's face was right in front of me, sleeping so soundly. Aw, look at his slightly parted lips. So cute...

I smiled light-headedly, at least I can kiss him in my imagination. Closing my eyes, I leaned forward. But as soon as my nose touched his, I was jolted awake. Why does it feel so real? I rubbed my eyes and was taken aback. It's not my imagination! I sat straight. What is he doing in my bed? Oh my God! Did I— what happened last night?! I try to recall any memory. 

Go to his home and kiss him senseless.

Don't tell me I went to his place last night, dragged him here, and- and... f-force him to- 

Sweet mother of God! Jeonghan, there's a no bigger jerk than you on this planet. 

No, it's not possible! I can never do that to him. My heartbeat started racing when I saw my shirt and jeans spread on the bedroom floor. I looked at myself. Fuck, I'm not in my clothes. Is he? 

Only his face was peeking out from the blanket. I carefully lifted it a little from him. I can't believe just what I am doing.

Thank God! At least he's wearing something.

But it doesn't prove the fact that we haven't had— well, should I wake him up?