The Sinners

Sin: Part 10 (c)

I knew it was him.

Not a clone. Not his doppleganger. And definitely not my imagination. It was Joshua. My Joshua.

My feet were frozen at their place, eyes couldn't blink, no word was ready to come out. I wanted to scream his name and run and take him in my arms and hug him just so tightly that not even God could snatch him from me. But I couldn't. My brain wasn't allowing me to move. 

After a minute, he walked. 

Slowly. Cautiously taking every step. Staring at me with his big bambi eyes and mouth opened agape. It was obvious that he was more astonished to see me here. I was supposed to be dead in his eyes. Burnt to flames. 

He came closer and stood in front of me. I was still like a statue, unable to move at all. Hesitatingly he lifted his hand and lightly touched my arm. And my trance broke with his touch just like snow white in her sleep, I blinked and released the breath I was holding for so long, "J-Josh-" I stuttered in bewilderment, my eyes welled up instantly, "Joshua?! Oh my God!... It's-it's you," I lifted my hands to hold his face but he hurriedly stepped away from me, his face showing terror. 

What? I was taken aback, my brows scrunched together. Wait, did he... get scared? Of me? Is he thinking I'm a ghost? Or someone else? Oh, no. No. No.

But his reaction was appropriate, for someone dead for the world. I was missing from his life for almost a year what else would he think except wondering if I was his imagination?

"H-Hey, Joshua?" I slightly raised my hands to show him that he was safe and I was not a danger to him. "Honey... it's... it's me," The surge of emotions made me choke. After everything that happened that day, I was seeing him for the first time. He looked so... weak and... and lifeless. Like someone had sucked his soul out of him. It was so tormenting to see him in this state. Oh dear God, what have you done to him?

 My tears started flowing down, "Your Hanie," I let out, "I'm... I'm not dead. I was alive all along. But people killed me, Joshua," I said trying to meet his eyes, "Believe me, please,"

He still looked frightened and confused, not being able to apprehend what was real and fake, then mouthed my name barely moving his lips, 'Hanie?'

As if I heard his voice, my heartbeat got faster, "Yes, yes, yes, it's me," I nodded a few times, involuntarily restraining myself not to touch him. I didn't want him to get scared of me. "It's me, Joshua, it's me!" I cried desperately, my hands clenched into fists, "I'm here with you in real," I closed my eyes and bowed my head. Tears couldn't stop streaming down my cheek, I couldn't stomach that life had brought me to a point where the most trusted person in my life wasn't believing me. "I'm not dead. Please believe me... oh, please,"

I stood like that and let my tears flow, I couldn't understand whether these were happy tears of finally meeting him or sadness for seeing him in this condition.

I opened my eyes when I felt a warm touch on my cheek brushing my tears away.

He touched my cheek with trembling fingers, grazed my lips feeling the familiar curve, stroked my hair, scrutinized every inch of my face, and then pressed his hand on my chest trying to feel the steady beat of my heart beneath his palm. After that, as if a sailor found an island after losing his way, a wanderer in the desert found a lake, Joshua's soulless face lightened up. His dull eyes started sparkling as if God had put his life back into him.