The Sinners

Sin: part 4 (d)

I can't think straight.

What should I do now? I've never been in a situation like this before. I'm stuck between justice and love. If I go with what Joshua wants it means I'm going against the law. Just thinking that the murderer is roaming freely in the city when he should be in the prison makes me wanna punch myself. 

"Joshua?" I put a hand on his shoulder. "Even though you think my life is at risk, I don't care, I'm sorry. All I care about is being true to myself and the law. You'll give the statement in court, that's the final decision,"

His eyebrows scrunched together forming an intense frown, like not believing what I said. He mouthed 'No' and backed away from me. His eyes went watery all of a sudden, face contorted with rage. He started uttering voiceless words while expressing his emotions with his hands, signaling at me, himself, and almost everywhere. If he could speak, I bet he'll be yelling. He seemed quite mad at me.

 His fists clenched by his side, neck veins popping out, he was struggling so hard to tell me something but unfortunately, I failed this time to catch him completely. After a minute, he stopped and looked at me for an answer.

 "I...uh..." I found myself at loss for words. He noticed my cluelessness. 

He released a disappointed breath and glanced at the notebook, but didn't write anything. He picked it up and indignantly threw it on the wall.

"Joshua! What behavior is this?" I rebuked him, but he didn't respond. He hung his head low and covered his eyes with his hand. He does this whenever he feels like he would cry.

 For the first time in his life, he seemed painfully sad that he was mute. Shortly, I heard him sniffling. 

I exhaled sharply. I should comfort him, after all, he's always been my first priority. Everything else comes later. I approached him and gently removed his hand. "Hey, honey," I placed my palm on his face. He really was crying.

I won't ignore it this time.

"It's okay, we'll be fine," I said in a promising tone, brushing his tears away. He stared at me for a second, then buried his head in my chest and broke into sobs. I covered him in my arms, keeping him as close as I can. 

Poor thing! I can't imagine how miserable he must be feeling. So much is happening in his life right now. The murder incident, death threats, getting attacked, and being the only witness while his ex-boyfriend is investigating the case. Coming back to the house where we broke up and at the same time, convincing me not to get involved when he is not able to speak a word. And I don't know whether he is still taking the anxiety meds.

I rubbed his back. "Shh, don't cry," 

I never knew he cared for me that much after what I did with him. How can he be such an angel? I hugged him until he calmed down a bit. He looked at me with a face full of tears and mouthed a clear 'Please don't do it' while shaking his head.

 I thought about it without being biased, then came to a conclusion.

 "Come here," I made him sit on the chair while I sat before him, holding his hands. His eyes were still glossy. "Do you remember..." I said softly, "...how you always feared becoming a sinner?"