The Sinners

Sin: Part 10 (a)

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But life is throwing lemons after lemons at me, how much lemonade can one make?

Joshua was gone. 

Feels like a heart attack, isn't it?

The Sun was so radiant. Just too bright to cause you blindness. But the wind was also fast so it didn't feel too hot. Cotton-like clouds covered the blue sky. A typical morning of a typical summer day.  I yawned. "Will you be okay without me?" I turned my head to him. He just meowed. "C'mon, don't give me that shit again, say something," I said annoyed.

I was talking to Marty. Yes, that stupid cat of my neighbor. He's the only one left in my life now. The problem is he only has one answer for all my questions, he's a good companion though. Goes with me wherever I go. We were on the beach today and Marty was sitting right beside me. We both were silently looking at waves crashing on the shore. Nothing feels more peaceful. 

Today, I've come here with a purpose. A grave one. 

To commit suicide.

Don't ask why? Don't assume that I'm in some kind of depression. It's just—everything is meaningless now. So insignificant. Without him, I have no purpose in my life. Everything is just neutral. A big zero. 

Four months has gone. I've gone crazy looking for him everywhere. I don't even know if he's alive or dead. But I've finally understood that I have no life without him, he was my sole purpose who is not here anymore. That's why I thought to end it today.

After thinking for like two more hours, I made the decision. I looked at Marty one final time. Gosh, I never knew this stupid cat would be the last thing I would see before dying. Sometimes, I feel like Joshua used to open the kitchen window only for this cat to come, as he liked it a lot. He was licking his paws. I know it all happened because of him, he's a smartass cat. 

"Were you part of that cult?" I said to Marty in a whisper. "C'mon, you can tell me now, everything's already been ruined,"

He stopped and stared at me with his sus looking eyes, "Meow," 

"I know it was you," I said adamantly.

Have I lost my damn mind? I'm literally talking to my neighbor's cat!

I stood up, and took a deep breath in the fresh beach air. There can't be a better day to die. The waves of the sea were calling me, to mingle with them, to free myself from all the worries and just flow somewhere deep. I'm definitely going to be a shark's breakfast today.

The water reached my knees as I started moving towards the sea. I could imagine Joshua everywhere on this beach. Everytime we came here, how he used to run on the sand, his laughs, his weird habit of collecting stones, how he used to write beautiful words for me in the sand. 

Oh, I miss you so much, Joshua. Where have you gone?

I closed my eyes, a tear rolled down my cheek and fell on the sand.

"Oye!"

I stopped suddenly when I heard a voice. I instantly turned around. Someone was calling me from a mini truck on the road, sticking his hand out. What the hell?