Darkest Shadows

22) The Beg For Death

"I can't lose you."--Jax

♡

Last night they got married again and consummated their marriage, as much as Jax couldn't complain they both had the lingering thought in their head that if they are really going to war today they make not make it out again. Jax wakes up in Ambrose's arms who is already awake and staring at the ceiling, he breaks the silence before Jax can. "I know it was stupid, we wasted all that time, and we may not make it out of this alive."

"Don't think like that. We're going to make it out, we have to."

He may sound confident, but he isn't, truthfully he is scared to death of this; Rhea wouldn't ask them to do this if she didn't believe they could come out alive. "Don't lie Jax."

"I'm trying to be helpful, like maybe if I'm positive enough then it'll work. Truth is, I'm scared, I'm really scared," he whispers, tears already streaming out. Ambrose pulls him closer and Jax's heart breaks. "I can't lose you."

"I'm with you to the end babe, nothing will separate us." Ambrose doesn't sound confident either.

"I'm so sorry. I was an idiot. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you because you were scared, I was scared too, and I freaked out. You don't know how sorry I am."

"It's okay Jax, I'm not mad, I'm just upset I didn't say anything. I heard Gemini crying last night."

"Why?"

"He's terrified of losing her, even Tarver and Sybella were up all night crying because their parents were upset. I know I don't show it too well, but I love you so freaking much Jaxin Bellezza, you have no clue."

Ambrose reaches up and brushes his husband's tears away. "You're not allowed to die on me, if you die I will raise your ass and kill you myself. I'd like to have a real honeymoon one day, just the two of us."

"I'd like that," Ambrose smiles brokenly. Jax's tears start again, and he crawls into Ambrose's arms, holding tight onto him like a child to their mother, he buries his head in Ambrose's neck as he cries, whispering I love you in his ears repeatedly. Maybe it was minutes later, maybe it was years later, but a knock on their door startles them. "Yeah?"

"Are y'all ready? The sooner we get this over with the sooner we can go back to our lovers and being happy," Rhea says bitterly, Jax just brushes it off because he knows she is stressed and feeling the effects of her Other.

"I don't want to get up. If we stay here then we can pretend it doesn't happen."

"I wish. Come on," Ambrose whispers. He lifts Jax's head to kiss him lovingly and wipe his tears away. "I love you."

"I love you too; don't make me cry again."

He rubs his eyes roughly and follows Jax out of bed to put their clothes on, taking his hand as they leave their room—perhaps for the last time—and following Rhea to the meeting room. He looks over at Gemini who has Sybella in his arms and Tarver next to him, his jaw is tight and eyes bloodshot, Tarver clings to his legs. Rhea shows no emotions.

"Ascelin is letting his Hellhound out while my Other is out, he can try to keep a reign on Her. Gemini takes care of Giana and locks her up, Honnor, Ruby, Coal, and Palladium are bringing a cage meant to hold a god—it is the same as the one that helped keep Nyx in Hell. Adam is going to chain him with the chains that held me, but they are not bulletproof, I got out of them, and if Atticus tries hard enough he can too. He is Hellbound too now, so any love or affection is going to hurt him, that is where you two come in. Your Vinculación should be back, Ruby will take her Gift and strengthen that love and radiate it out; it will be painful for you. I will handle Atticus, it is my Other so She is going to want to torture him, I cannot stop Her so if you have a sensitive stomach I suggest you look away. None of you are to come near me while She is out. We have one chance for this, if we screw it up none of us come back alive. Kristie and Maezie are taking the kids to Tracy's; it is your last chance to see them before we leave."