black coffee | remus lupin [2]

86. you weren't there

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CLAUDIA APPEARED RIGHT into the hallway of Potter manor about five minutes after returning to London. She figured that's where Remus would be, so she wasted absolutely no time whatsoever.

It was silent in there. Cold. Claudia wondered if anybody was even home, because there was no sign of Remus, Inez or Marlene.

But it was clean and it wasn't dusty. It smelt faintly of chocolate cake, as if Inez and Marlene had tried to cheer Remus up somehow.

"Hello?" Claudia shouted as she took her scarf off. She wasn't used to the coldness of England. "Is anyone home?"

Nobody answered, and so Claudia moved into the kitchen and turned on the lights. On the kitchen counter there was in fact a chocolate cake, just as she had expected.

We'll be back soon, Remus. Have some please! We love you.

/ Inez and Marlene

Claudia smiled faintly at the thought of Inez and Marlene. They tried their best, the two of them, but she knew it wasn't going to work. She knew she herself couldn't do that much either, because no one could for her all those years ago.

"Where were you?"

Claudia stiffened for a moment. His voice was cold. So cold.

She turned around, an unreadable expression etched on her face for she didn't know how to handle this. She was always the one on the other side of things, in all honesty.

"Remus..."

"Where were you?" He said again.

"I..."

"I owled you. Like twenty times. So did the others. But you didn't even answer me."

"I was-"

"I needed you," he said.

He was already crying, and so the pieces that somehow were left in Claudia's heart broke.

He looked so cold. So blue. The new scars on his face showed that the past full moon had been a tough one. He was alone for that one too, she assumed. His friends weren't exactly anywhere to be found any longer as both Sirius and Peter were acting strange and James was hiding with Lily and Harry.

"I know," Claudia said, and she could feel the salty taste of tears against her lips. She didn't realise that she herself had started crying. "I know. And I'm so sorry. I was just so caught up in finding that damn Horcrux that I didn't want any distractions. And for that I'm truly sorry. Oh, Remus, if only I had known..."

Remus looked up into her eyes. He probably saw that she was crying too, because he looked to soften at her reaction.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"I know you are," he replied.

"I am," she nodded. "And I'm here now. Okay? I'm not going anywhere."

"How...how..." Remus tried to speak, but he choked on his own words so much that he became so frustrated that he started crying even more, falling down to his knees against the wall.

Claudia instantly ran to him. She sat down on the floor next to him and wrapped her arms around his shaking chest.

"How did you do it?" He asked, barely getting his words out.

"What?"

"How did you...how did you get through it? I can't do this, Claudia. She's gone. And she went in pain. How am I supposed to be able to handle this? I can't get over it, I can't."

Claudia hugged him a little tighter, leaving him in silence for a moment as he cried. But then she took some distance, wiped some tears from both her own and his face, and looked into his eyes.

"You're not gonna be able to get over it," she said. "That's the hard truth."

"But-"

"I miss my mum more and more each day. And you will too. But the difference is that her absence is something that I've gotten used to. She was in all my days then. Now she is too, but just not in the same way. And I've gotten used to that. I've learned to accept it. You're going to do the same."

"I don't think I ever can," he sobbed.

"You can, trust me," she whispered, placing her hands on his face. "It's going to take some time, though. But you've got me. Your dad. And so many others who love you. Even if they're not around all the time right now, they will be soon. I can assure you of that."

"I can't, Claudia, I-"

"You can," she said sternly. "And you will. Because that's the one thing she wants from you. That you'll be fine. That you'll be happy. And right now you won't. It will take time. But that time is more beautiful than you think, because it reminds you of what a beautiful relationship you had with your mum. Not a lot of people have that. But you did."

"I can't live without her, Claudia-"

"I know, Remus, I know," Claudia said in an understanding tone.

"Will you just hold me?" He said in a weak voice.

And so she did. For as long as the sun was still up, Claudia held Remus in her arms in complete silence, right there on the kitchen floor. They would go on to go to sleep after that, and the next morning they would awake and it would be even harder than the day before.

But it was going to be okay. Claudia would take care of him as he always took care of her. After all, she owed that to him. She owed that to Hope.

end of part ix.

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and so it goes - part ix.

let's meet our fave (?) blondie again!

and let's say goodbye to the peter that was...

how many characters am i going to kill off?
let's just say there's a few left...

are we close to the end?
so so so much closer than you think.

ily this next part is suspenseful so pls don't give up reading <3333