Beyond Hope

Entry #16

March 4, 1976

"Mr. Lupin!" Minnie yelled. "For Godric's sake, where are you going?" She called after Remus as he stood up and walked out of the classroom.

As soon as I saw him leaving, I immediately stood up myself and looked up at him, eyes hesitant wavering towards Even that I had been working with.

"Go." He urges me.

I gave him my thanks and apology and chased after Remus.

"Ms. LaBelle please get back here." Minnie calls after me. "What will I do with these children?" She sighs before I move out of earshot and I can no longer hear her and only the footsteps and rapid breathing of Remus ahead of me.

Remus had just walked out of a lecture for Transfiguration without a word towards Minnie, I followed after him and we were now here with me chasing after Remus.

"Are you alright, Lune?" I asked Remus as he was sitting on a bench near the Black Lake, staring out into the water.

"Leave me alone." Remus told me, his voice in a sharp hushed tone as he went to move his hands to hold his face.

"Lune.." I try to urge him to let me stay.

"Just f**king shut it for once El." He shouts before groaning and repeating the same action as before, seeming to be his only source of comfort in that moment, even though I was there.

My heart hurt as I looked at him, he was in pain and no matter what I did, I couldn't help. I sit there in the silence for a second, placing my back against the back of the bench. Remus was refusing to talk to me and the effect of the full moon was weighing on him heavily today. A few more seconds passed and when I could no longer take the silence, I pulled a vial out of my pocket in my robe with three pieces of chocolate and slid it to Remus without looking at him or speaking, like he wished.

Silence continued to drag on even after I noticed Remus caught sight of the vial, the vial that would ease his pain until the full moon would come up tonight.

No matter how many times I would go through this, it never got easier to see him like this and I knew it would never get easier for him to go through it as well, so I tried my best to be there for him even though he often hated me when I would do this every full moon.

But that would never stop me. Even if he ends up hating me the whole day and the day after, I would be there for him. So I did my best to suck it up and stay there for him.

"Why do you always have to bloody be here?" Remus asks harshly, annoyance peaking through his words.

I didn't respond and just gave him a small smile, tight as I tried not to let it get to me like always.

"Are you an idiot or do you just act like it?" He murmured, trying his best not to let me hear, but I did.

"I'm whatever you want me to be at this moment, Lune." I respond to him, still focusing my eyes on the water.

"Why the f**k do you keep calling me Lune? I hate that bloody nickname." He snapped. "Then again. Why are you treating me like your friend?"

A few seconds of silence passed by and as always, the immediately thoughtful and kind Remus was gone at this moment and all that was left was the cruel Remus that was in pain.

I promptly look at him. "I'll explain this to you every single time for as long as you want . Whether it's every month on a full moon like today or every single second." I blurted out, my patience always thinned in moments like these, where he would always question our friendships whenever he could. He would only do this with me, never with the others and no matter how hard I tried to push that thought away, it would always come back to haunt me. Did he really hate me?