Saving Riley

86

Riley

I woke up the next morning, in the same position I had been the moment I got in last night, cradled over slightly from when sleep finally took over
The boys would be long gone by now, preparing for their show tonight, I on the other hand had a lot to think about 

I walked out of the backroom and straight to the front of the bus where the kitchen is, the moment I got in there.. My eyes locked with John who was scrolling through his phone
"I thought you boys had-" I started
"We do but I knew that you would be kicking yourself" He said making me sigh sitting opposite him

"I thought we were past the Beth era" I said and John nodded
"I just want to point out, the boys and I were all talking him out of it" He said
"As much as I don't want to say it, I think James will always have a strange spot for her" He explained making me bow my head
"I don't know if I can put myself through that again. Especially given that we are meant to be having a child, getting married and so on" I explained and John nodded confidently 

"Like I said, he has a strange spot for her but Riley, that boy has an even bigger soft spot for you. If you went to him right now and made him choose. He would easily choose you" He said
"But it's the fact that if I had never come here John, I wouldn't have found out" I explained 

John looked at me with a sympathetic smile 
"You would have found out Riles, if he had gone through with it then I would have told you, so would have any of the boys" He explained
"Over the years, we've all grown close to you, even Theo" He chuckled 
"James would be an idiot to mess up again" He said and I nodded

"What do you think I should do?" I asked but John was quick to shake his head
"I'm not in the position to make this choice for you Riley, but I can give you your choices if you'd like?" He asked making me nod

"First up, you could go in and talk to James, see what he was thinking. Get to the route of the problem and then decide to stay or walk away" He started
"Or I can grab the keys and I can take you to the airport right now" He said making me bow my head

"I know what option I think everyone would prefer" He said making me sigh with a nod

"I think I need to think a little and then I'll decide" I said and he nodded
"I'll be inside for Sound check, if you decide on the latter, shoot me a text and I'll be right here" He asked and I nodded again
He stood up making his way over to the door before turning back one more time
"Can I say one thing Riley?" He asked making me hum in response

"You and James have been through battle after battle over the years I've known you. I think it would be a true shame to see it all come crashing down now" He said making me bite my lips as he exited through the door 

--

It's been hours since I spoke to John, yet here I stood in the same spot trying to figure out what I'm going to do
If I leave, I'm a single mother and with a marriage that failed long before the wedding day
But if I stay, aren't I playing the fool

We started off great, the road to regionals was such a rollercoaster but I truly wouldn't have made it without James
Then on our journey of Nationals we had the presence of Beth and all her drama then I thought that was it, I thought we were out of the woods with her but clearly that isn't the case

Internationals we had the new development of Ella, I'll hold my hands up to that and say that I should have listened to James 
But then we had the time when I became Studio head, I regret everything in that era. I should not have even gotten that close to Alfie, I loved James and I always have

Then I left for college and I met Lucas. But if I had stayed or even if I had stayed together with James but left, I don't think I would ever have had to go through what I did 
Then when I came back we had Marie

But now we're back to Beth again? Why is it that we've taken 5 steps back instead of one forward 

I don't want this to be a goodbye, I don't want this to be the end
But how many time can we really keep doing this before one of us gets hurt to the point of no return?

Is this our cut off point?