A Novel's Beast World

1. Seriously!?

Originally posted: March 19, 2022. Edited:February 17, 2023.

I know I am not the smartest person. In fact, I am at the lower totem of intelligence in my family, so I can accept being stupid. Maybe that's why I can't wrap my head around this situation.

Stumbling on a tree root, I cursed and kept going forward. I was too busy trying not trip on my own feet to see how the girl next to me was doing. "Shit!" I shouldn't be wasting my breath on a curse, but this situation totally calls for it.

How the frickety fuck am I being chased by a bunch of wolves in a goddamn forest, when I was clearly in the center of Tallahassee a few minutes ago?

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. Chanting curses in my head made me feel so much better. Not. Finding a perfectly climbable tree, I yeeted my fat ass off the ground. Who cares if I've never climbed a tree in my life. There is a first goddamn time for everything.

Climbing higher, I saw that the girl next to me did the same thing. Confirming that both of my lungs hated me and life, I wheezed like a dying horse. This is what I get for spending the last couple of years sitting on my ass, drinking Blue Bell by the quart. I thought anime was supposed to prepare me for this kind of shit.

Both my expectations and lungs were shot. Finally catching a breath, I looked at the mangy bunch of wolves below. I can't believe I used to find these bitches beautiful. Wolves are totally off my favorite animal list.

Looking over at the girl next to me, I felt better. She was a sorry sight. I may have been a lazy bitch for the last few years, but I had played volleyball for five years before quitting in high school. I could go back and kiss myself. All that jumping around paid off.

"Yo-you okay?" I asked between wheezes. She nodded her head, and was about to say something, but a random leopard started attacking the wolves.

We're fucked. Leopards don't attack wolves. It probably has rabies. And I am sure a rabid leopard can climb a tree just as easily as a healthy one.

The leopard roared. Can leopards actually roar? Shit! Now is not the time to be thinking of such BS. The leopard cleaned up the wolves like they were made of tofu. Shit, shit! I turned to the girl next to me. Why was this somewhat familiar brat the last person I get to see? Why couldn't it have been Taylor Lautner or Morgan Freeman. Having Morgan Freeman narrate my death would have been sick.

The leopard jumped right in front of us. Thank god, I didn't have a full bladder. I did not want to die in a puddle of piss. Reaching for the backpack that was still miraculously attached to my back, I held it up, ready to swing.

Getting ready to test my batting skills, the leopard shifted, stunning both me and the girl. The not-a-leopard was about to speak. Or he was, until I smashed my backpack into his face, knocking him right off the tree. Before my momentum could take my ass for free fall, I twisted and grabbed a branch.

Fuckin' hell. I totally pulled a muscle in my back. Why is life so unkind? The girl looked shocked. I think I just killed someone or something. Should I look down? I should, shouldn't I? I can still call it self defense right?

Before I could look down and check, that same dude jumped back up in total naked glory. He looked angry. Turning to me, he demanded, "What was that for female?"

I just stood staring. There was so much wrong with this situation, I couldn't process it. "Were you that leopard?" I asked instead of answering his question.

The aggrieved leopard dude glared at me. "Of course I am! Do you not have eyes that work female?"

"Pervert!" Shouted the other girl. I glanced down at his limp manhood. It was not a pretty site. She's right though. Dude's an exhibitionist for sure.

"My name is not Pervert, it's Parker. I am from the leopard clan. What is your name and your clan female?"

The two proceed to have a nice conversation, while my brain went and burst. Parker! Freaking leopard named Parker. No wonder the girl seemed familiar. You got to be kidding me. No truck-kun fucked me over, so how am I here right now?

This is way too realistic for a dream. Am I dead? Am I in a coma? I looked down at my belly jelly and my backpack that didn't leave me for that leopard. I am still probably me, so no reincarnation bullshit happened here.

"Are you also from the Ape clan?" Guessing from Parker's irritated expression, he has asked this question more than once.

"Horse shit. I'm not an ape." I'm way too lazy to keep a lie going, so I'm not going to try.

The girl flinched. Was she not used to curse words. She's Chinese right? Do they not curse over there? Tch. Doesn't matter. My mouth listens to nobody, not even me.

"Are you a horse? We don't have those around here. You must be from far away?" Stated a clearly impatient leopard.

"No and yes. Call me a horse again and I'll smack your naked ass off of this tree, again." Should I have threatened a bitchy leopard who holds my life in his hands? Nope. But I did anyway because I'm fucking brilliant. Good job me.

Having successfully angered the leopard, I wondered how exactly he would kill me. Contrary to my expectations, he brought both me and Bai out of the tree and to a lake. The two spoke some more and he put mud on Bai's face. Sucks to be her.