A Novel's Beast World

27. Shame

Hello everybody.  I plan to post up to three updates today, but am fighting nausea.  I should have them all up by tonight at the latest, but may not get them up as fast as usual.  This is the first one of today, April 23rd.  Enjoy

RIP: Here lies Drew. The first human to ever die of shame. We will remember her and the legacy she has left us.

'God. Goddess. The devil. If any of you can hear me, please off me. It doesn't matter if it's a lightning bolt, a heart attack, or truck-kun. Please put me to rest.'

My heartfelt prayers remained unanswered for the rest of the night and I refused to leave my nest. My stomach grumbled loudly and I told it to fuck off. It can feed on my embarrassment instead. I have plenty to spare.

Harvey an Shuu tried to get me to do anything, but I am so not responding. How could you do that to me Shuu? We were supposed to be panic pals, the broken buds, the debatable duo. Now that you can swim again, you have to pop my inflatable life jacket?

To be fair, he didn't do anything on purpose. But damn, that innocence is a weapon. And who the hell am I looking at? Sure Harvey is definitely worth some looks, but my feelings are not that strong.

They're not right? Sure, I'm growing attached. It's hard not to with the constant attention and my own dependency. But it has only been a month and a half, tops. That's not nearly enough time to develop real feelings.

Why am I opposed to developing real feelings? I have been using the excuse of growing closer before mating. Isn't that what I wanted?

Then Harvey would be stuck with me. No shit Sherlock. I knew that from the beginning. Is that so bad? Even if this coma dream was inspired by my disgusting need to get laid, why cant I just go with it? I'm not forcing anything so why do I feel like I'd be doing them wrong?

I know I'm a sorry excuse of a human, but there are far worse than me out there. If Harvey hasn't gotten sick of my crazy ass so far, won't it be fine?

I peeked out from under the covers and tried to look around. Of course I must have triggered their super senses, cause both of them snapped their heads towards me. Not gonna lie, that's freaky guys. I pulled the covers down faster than I thought I was capable. My reflexes have improved.

"Drew." Harvey kneeled next to the the wiggling mass that was me. "Do you not want to eat with us?" I could hear a little bit of disappointment in his voice. I am very sensitive to that, since I've heard it all my life. "I can leave your food here and wait in another room while you eat."

Damn. I'm being a dick again. He's trying to make me comfortable at his expense. If I stay under here, he's going to walk away. If I come out, I have to be awkward. Not that hiding under animal skin screamed social competence.

"I'll come out." That would have been more convincing if I wasn't still under the furs.

"Okay." He sounds relieved, I think.

"Hey Harvey." I didn't leave the protection of my bundle.

"Yes?"

"Are you actually happy with me around?" I wasn't planning to ask, but it was eating at me. "Not because you think you have to or because you think it's your male duty or because I was your only choice?" I was starting to run on. I should stop there.

Harvey paused for a moment. He set whatever he was holding down. He tried to take the cover off of me, but I held firm. Unfortunately, he was way stronger than me and kept pulling. Harvey usually tolerated my strangeness, but he isn't letting me off now. He stared at my uncovered face and stopped pulling.

"I am happy Drew. I am happier than I ever thought I could be." How can he say lines like that straight to someone's face? "It's true that my instinct to protect you because you are female is present. However, it is my choice to stay by your side and yours to keep me here. No female has shown interest in me before you. I don't think that is a bad thing anymore." Oh my god Harvey! He wouldn't let me hide at all. This jerk.

"Even if another female showed interest now, I wouldn't be able to accept them. I wouldn't want to. Do you believe me?" Why is he throwing around that many feels? I was the one who asked, but damn. I can't escape now, it's too late.

"I don't know how to believe you." I am honestly stuck. The depressing bitch in me keeps convincing me that I'm not worth his feelings, if they are even real. The logical bitch was explaining that it's this world's fault. And the bitchy bitch was telling us all to fuck off. Some other voice is telling me to jump him now. Nothing can be simple.

"Then I have something I need to work on." This guy! How can he say shit like that?Give me back my covers! "Will you come eat?" Persistent much.

"Yeah." I crawled out of my wrap after a while and joined the two for dinner. Shuu was happy. I didn't look at his face, but his tail was wagging slowly now. I tried to sneak some glances at Harvey, but he kept catching me. Bastard.

The food was okay and slowly improving. I should help clean up, since I didn't help cook. I didn't let the two protest and we got everything cleaned up quick. I used the weird fruit thing Shuu gave me to brush my teeth and we settled down for bed.

I wore my own shirt to bed, but not the jeans. I would make do with the tiger striped skirt for now. I took a long look at the giant wolf and leopard that lay waiting. I had already gotten used to crawling into bed and sinking my face into fur. And here I thought I was failing at adaption.

I used Harvey's furry arm as a pillow, like usual. Tonight, it did take some time to sleep. I couldn't help replaying what he told me on repeat. I tried to drown it out by playing 'Despacito' in my head, but forgot how hard that song gets stuck. I fucked up my own peace this time. Soon, these two poor souls are going to have this stuck in their heads too.

I slept in late the next day. I fed the short-bird and helped make breakfast. We ate and Harvey left to do doctor shit. I worked in the garden with Shuu afterwards. I managed to convince him that I wasn't a fragile flower and could handle planting seeds and weeding. I used my intelligence and saved seeds from fruits and veggies. I don't know why I'm bothering, we won't be here long.

"Harvey will come back early today. I will go hunt and see if I can find more short-birds and the lizards with the stretchy skin. Is there anything else you want me to find?" Shuu looked stoked and I just felt bad. That sounded like a lot already.

"That's plenty Shuu. Don't overdo it." I swear he got more energetic than before. What bottomless pit does he pull all that energy from? If he's chugging Red Bulls somewhere, he needs to share.

"Okay!" He leaned in and waited. It took me several extra brain cells to recognize the motion. He wants pets?

I looked at my dirt covered hands and refused. Shuu looked crushed. Let me wash my hands first dude.

We finished in the garden and we took a quick trip to the river. I actually rode the big wolf there this time and managed to not fall off. Go me. We bathed and I gave the man his head pats. I hummed most of the time and tapped to an imaginary beat. Shuu seemed happy with my humming, but he won't be for long.

Nothing else happened and we went home, some fish in hand. Me and Shuu cooked up the fish and river crabs for a snack. As soon as I can pick Qingqing's brain for flour making instructions I will. Batter-fried shrimp and fish sounds amazing.

We set aside a portion for Harvey. I told Shuu to eat it if it got too late, changed, and crawled into bed. I wanted a nap. I tried to play other songs in my head to overwrite the one that was stuck. By some miracle, I fell asleep.