A Novel's Beast World

37. Communication

First update for today, May 2.

I got home with a dejected Shuu. Harvey was nowhere to be seen. I reached out for the broken baskets Shuu was carrying. He handed one over and I sat down and started mending it. I was wet, irritated, and very uncomfortable.

"Are you angry at me?" Oh, Shuu.

"I don't know who I'm angry at." Not true. I'm angry at everyone, except Harvey. No, he's not home now, so I'm angry at him too. "Why did you fight with Alec again?"

"He said he would've won." What, at eel volleyball?

"And you fought over that?"

"I-I've been on edge." Uh, yeah. Kind of noticeable. "I'm sorry Drew." Why do I feel like the bad guy? Okay, maybe I am.

"Shuu. I'm not saying you shouldn't fight. I just... I don't want it to be like that all the time. I know I'll fuck up plenty and maybe I've been messing things up for you too. What I'm trying to say... I'm sure you will get stuck cleaning up after messes I make, so I don't want to blame you over something that is a common practice."

Shit, communicating is hard. "I'm upset that your fighting, but I'm upset at myself for being upset at you, for doing what's normal for you, when I might be the cause of the problem." Uggh. Does he get me?

"Drew..." Shuu looked like he'd worship me again. What was it this time? I'm positive that I didn't say nice shit.

"Shuu, will you help teach me more about your customs?" I couldn't help but feel like a big dick. I was technically checking out two other men, right next to Shuu. I bet that felt great.

"Of course!" Good.

"Can you also tell me if there's something I really messed up? I mean that Shuu." I had to throw in that last bit. This guy never seemed to say anything negative about me. I know there's plenty to say.

"Okay." He thought about it very quick, but looked uncomfortable. "Umm. You..." Come on man! "The hawk earlier..." Which one??

"Which one?"

"The stronger one." Oh.

"Rowan." I caught that flinch Shuu. "Speak up." I'm not gonna kick you.

"You want him as a mate?" Fuck! Did we not have this conversation already. Headache incoming.

"I told you, I will talk to you and Harvey if I'm considering it."

"But you... Your scent was." Shit. That's a bad sign. For once I wish he was talking about my BO. "You wanted him?" Don't put it like that! How can you smell with all the water anyway? This makes no sense.

How do I get out of this? Was I caught red handed? How am I supposed to resist that kind of a man. He isn't even forcing himself on me, just casually approaching. Shit, shit. I'm not helping myself. Technically I was staring at both hawks... Okay, definitely not helping myself.

Hold the fuck up.

"Shuu, do you think anyone else but you could smell my whatever the hell it is." Pheromones, is that right? I want to gag.

"Um, probably. If you are close physically."

I understand clearly. I'm not leaving the house anymore. Fuck it. I do have shame left over after all and she's as much of a bitch as the rest. I know exactly what that suspicious feeling was and I'm not acknowledging it. Nope, not happening.