"Never go near the waters, that's what my mom always says"
Stay with your family, boys are trouble, remember the stories, and never go to the ancient, love waters
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I was disgusted, devastated in myself from last night. I had a great time but now I am starting to realize why my mom wants me to cover up, why she wants me to withhold myself from men of course this island but it is way more. It is self-respect even though I still believe in my body, my choice, because the old generation thought the exact same thing, just because I came from your teachings sometimes, I just want to branch off and act like I have no damn sense because love makes you not have no damn sense.
My mother teachings are extremely harsh, and they were only harsh on me not my brother. My brother was praised, and he got to do what he wanted, I was pushed and pushed to become a cocoon all my life waiting to become a butterfly that no one thought I could be. I know my mother loves me, but Angelic is someone that makes life better, he taught me more in 15 minutes than she has ever taught me in a lifetime, and I know that is much, but he understands women like no other and what we need and how we need it.
I am deciding not to be close to him again though at least for right now because I want what we have to be concealed. I don't want anyone to know what we have or to snitch on our bond and if my mother found out she'd just shame me more and the look in Mina's eyes when she seen me in her son's bed, it was so much devastation in her eyes and disgust she felt betrayed because she thought she knew the type of person I was. I never talked about boys quite frankly, I didn't care to be with one. I didn't want to be perceived as a rebel, but now I'm sneaky and not telling anyone what I'm doing really is lying.
"Heaven." My mother said as I was laying in my bed replaying that scene that took place yesterday.
"Yes, mama." I spoke
"Come here." She said as I stood up and walked into her room. I didn't want to speak really; I didn't want anyone to look into my eyes maybe they could see the truth and what secrets I've been hiding.
"Yes, mama." I said as I stood by her doorway, and she waved her hand for me to come further in
"Why aren't you in your teachings?" She asked me
"Momma, I'm sick, sick from my brother dying, I just want to be with him, not in school." I said as she laughed
"Darling, you were laughing and smiling while dancing with your pregnant bestie and you're telling me you don't want to go see her again?" She said as she leaned up, she still has animosity with Jasmine, I know she is still hurt, she's been in this room for a minute.
"That doesn't mean, I'm not mourning like you are, I hurt too mom and I don't think you should hate Jasmine; she just did what-"
"She did what, kill my son, she is a monster, and now you want me to forgive her because what, because she's having his son or daughter, I don't care Heaven; I want my son." She said as she leaned up and began crying. I couldn't help but to cry too, I feel as If I have been betraying everyone, a kid wasn't going to make everything sweet and go back to normal. My mom doesn't want to talk to Jasmine cause if she forgives her then that means accepting that Michael is gone but she has to stop being a hypocrite someone's mother lost their son because of her, just goes to say you can't watch your kids 24/7 it's impossible, they are so many influences outside of you but I do think that if your voice isn't stronger than the other people they are hearing than something is very wrong.
