cadnis oneshots so i can get some f*cking sleep

i'd rather be me

what's popping my muppets happy day!!! woo let's get into this!!

this is a request fill for an anon on tumblr who wanted to see a body swap au (oooh drama interest wow) and here it finally is woo!

it's a bit of a doozy so tw for
suicide attempt
mentioned self harm
death
very mild gore
mentioned outing
general angst
and as always if you find something i've missed please let me know so i can add it :)

enjoy!!

—————

Janis finds the orderliness of all this ironic.

She's always been a chaotic person. From the time she was a little girl, her bedroom looked like a tornado had passed through. In school, her papers and pencils were always haphazardly shoved into her backpack. Even her artworks were unorganized; swathes of colors that clashed in a beautiful way.

But here she stands, staring at herself in the bathroom mirror. On the counter, in a neat little row, lie three envelopes. One for her sister, one for her best friend, and one for her mother; all addressed in Janis' hasty cursive.

Next to them sits a bottle of pills.

Janis spent a long time walking through how she wanted this to go. She waited until her mom left to drop Juliana at an overnight dance camp, so her sister wouldn't be the one to find her. Damian is at his theatre camp, so he won't find her either. She still feels guilty about making her mother be the one to do it, but it's the best way.

Janis meets her own eyes in the mirror.

It's strange, now, to see herself without all the lip gloss and glittery eyeshadow and rosy blush and pink. God, there used to be so much pink.

But then it happened.

And now, Janis can't even look at the color pink without having a panic attack. Can't so much as think about returning to school or her former best friends or the aliens she used to love without bursting into tears.

Janis can't live. Not like this.

She looks down at the letters. But it feels like one is missing.

Janis supposes that while she's getting her last words out, she might as well write one to Regina. It's not like she'll have another chance to speak her mind, after this.

So Janis returns to her bedroom and sits at her desk again. Pulls another piece of paper out of her notebook, grabs another envelope. Scrawls Regina's name on the back.

She stares at a blank piece of paper for a very, very long time.

But when the words finally come to her, they don't stop. Janis scratches down every thought she's had for the last three months, every cutting jibe and why can't I just hate you that's passed through her head. Every why isn't it getting better. Every this is your fault. Every this isn't your fault. Everything.

She seals the envelope and returns to her lineup. Adds it to the end. Opens the bottle of pills. Pours herself some water.

If Janis pretends hard enough, she can't actually taste the pills as they go down. The chemical burn isn't there.

If she pretends hard enough, she doesn't regret this.

She starts taking them two at a time. Four. Six.

She can't see herself in the mirror anymore.

She can't feel her fingers grabbing more pills.

She can't feel.