so it begins ✔️

2014: the story

dear iven,
hi, it's been, really, really long. we met at your current best friend's birthday party after seven years. i couldn't believe my eyes that i actually found you, but- it was you. and i truly wish i knew how to say an apology which can carry your pain away from you and heal your wounds of seven years. seven years of the pain you had to went through knowing your childhood best friend has walked away with leaving nothing, not even a goodbye. seven years of silence and eight years of friendship dying at the hands of only mine and my poor decision making. and more, but i don't. there's a lot of higher chances that you don't want anything to do with me anymore, that you won't ever get to read this letter or any unsent letters i wrote just for you. but knowing that i can write on a paper as if i'm writing it for you sounds like a peaceful choice for me than to do anything.

i saw it on your eyes, iven. you really loved me. though you didn't say it directly but, i know now, you did. and now, i'm not too sure if you still do. i don't know, a lot can change a person within seven years. and i hope you know, i pray you know, i still got love for you.

there are so many words i wanna say to you. so many things i wanna let you know that i did not leave believing that you weren't worth the time. you were, so much, you deserved, so much. i left because of how things turned out between us in the span of two years. of how fate took the wheel and decided to crash it all too quickly that there was no choice for me but to leave. iven, it wasn't just allyson telling me i should leave you, it was more than that.

now, i'll tell you.

it was the first start of 2007, we were eighteen. you recently started going out with allyson. i saw you guys together at school. i saw the way you looked at her and how she looked at you and i knew that i was watching you two falling in love and i thought that i was suppose to be happy about watching my best and only friend falling for a nice girl. but i wasn't, i really wasn't and i wish i was but i wasn't.

so, i started to distant myself from you. i don't think you noticed it cause we still used to talk through emails and such. but at school and other places, you were with her and on emails, i was with you.

then at autumn of 2007 and also chelsea's 20st birthday party- mira invited me (she once talked with me at school and said how she wanted help on her art project) so after helping her out on it- she invited me to her older sister's chelsea's birthday like a gift or something for helping her out on it. and then i was there. not that it matters here, okay back to the story- so i was there, i felt like i didn't belong there. there were so many kids from our school too, people i grew up with and yet, it felt like i was with strangers.

and so as i was about to leave- i decided to go to the restroom cause i got a bad stomach ache and there, i saw allyson.

[ then moon continues writing about the details and conversation between her and allyson]

...
seven years ago:

moon hears the sound of tears coming from the rest room with a closed door and so she goes, "hey, are you okay?" "um- who are you?"
"i'm- moon. we probably didn't talk cause i hardly talk with anyone there, but i think we go to the same school."
"we do."
"we do?"
"yeah."

and then the girl opens the door, revealing a broke down eighteen years old allyson with blonde frizzy hair and blue eyes which looks like the ocean after a storm, a really heavy storm.

"allyson? oh my god- are you okay?"
"no, no i'm not. i don't even look okay how can you even ask me that."
"i'm...i'm really sorry."
"can we talk, it's very important and i just need someone, anyone to listen right now, just one person."

"yeah, of course."

"get in before anyone sees you."

allyson starts sitting down at the cold and watery floor of the restroom and goes back to crying more and then moon joins in and sits beside her and also makes sure to lock the door, just so no one can enter this rest room and protect allyson's last wishful statement. she sits with her under a carpet and then stay there.