so it begins ✔️

2016

dear diary,
you won't be able to guess, well- i mean, you can try to guess but you're just a diary, so i don't think you won't be able to guess. anyways so, i got the greatest bestest for real! art deal with, drums rolls please, THE MARIA. yes yes, the legendary maria. the one who inspired me ever since i was just a kid (alongside my grandma of course) to be a professional artist, to get an art degree. i got her letter yesterday. it took me a great amount of time to realize the letter has been written ever so beautifully by none other than but maria herself. can't believe a busy 58 years old woman can manage to make time for a woman hitting 30's. now that we're on that topic, i literally cannot believe i'm going to turn 28 this week, can YOU believe that?

the letter was honestly the bestest thing ever happened to me this year. and it happened after a week of my birthday like? is this some kind of a cosmic sign? it must be cause what?

"dear sanara moon, i have to say, you are one talented artist and your works has sparked a light in me which was buried for at least 20 years. it will be highly appreciated if you can manage to have a meeting with me." this is enough for me to die right at this instant, not gonna lie.

so here i am, waiting in the highest level of the grand opening of IJ's new collection: love and loss. did i forget to mention that i own a "community" of art made by me alongside smaller artists to help them artistically and financially?

to be honest, this recent project has been going on for like 8 months so i guess you can say, it's still new. i just can't believe that in such short amount of time, maria will know that i exist.

i can't believe i'm even witnessing this. i'm literally so grateful for my friends and my business family. they really helped me a lot and especially helped IJ to stand on its own, with pride and treasured joy.

i get to ask her a lot of questions, i'm literally so excited, dear diary that you have no idea. 20 years old me is proud of me, right?

"you can also ask her about the black hole in the colorful land paint." my work colleague, rosy cheeked, 20 something jules goes right after she notices me beaming with light.

the black hole in the colorful painting.

memories rushes, heart still aches like it's still new, the olden buried scars feels like a terrain of lost hopes, of an once flourishing friendship's funeral. and of course, the thoughts and feelings and habitual emotions around that painting comes up and stays anew. i was always excited about asking her about this one specific painting, a painting which i once loved and adored. now it's just...something which belongs in the walls of past.

i'd say flourishing friendship when i know that damn well that we were more than just friends. but calling it a lost friendship hurts lesser than calling it a lost love. because then, not only the hollow of this specific painting haunts me but also the night, also him and also how he didn't bother to reach out to me after reading the letter- my heart poured letter, the all truths letter.

if he could manage to not bother to come back even after reading that letter, then it is the end of iven and moon.

and so is the painting which binds the whole broken pieces together on the past.

"ah, i don't know. it's not something i'm interested, but- i'll ask her about the longing girl painting. i truly wanna know what inspired her to make that."

jules raises her left eyebrow and goes, "but moon, you were so excited about it, so i don't get-..."
"keyword, were. i'm not anymore, people change. time change and so it goes." i cut her off and she nods quietly.

it's true, people do change. stories sometimes starts and ends when it's time to end. new written words comes up, you meet new people in your life and then it goes all over again. me and iven were the same i suppose. we were once inseparable and then- yeah.

so this is it, this is how it's gonna be.

...

"miss sanara? maria's here."

...