so it begins ✔️

2014: which feels like a decade

iven: moon....i....
moon: iven- i- hi. hi.
iven: you're....here.
moon: so, are you...
iven: it is you, right?
moon: it is me, iven.

iven looks at moon as in the world suddenly stopped just for them. he sees the air becoming a softest chain as it crashes against her bare shoulder and swims through her now long fawn hair. her dark green eyes feels like he can just get lost any second now and he hated that even after all these years- she still knows how to have him at her invisible palm which still feels like a sweetening home, she is home. he wanted to hate her, he wanted to walk away like she did, he wanted to pretend that everything's over between them and nothing's going to change that and he wanted to lie.

but the moment he saw her, it's like his heart already decided that he can never let go of her anytime soon, or ever.

and then all question hits. how was she here, why out of every places on earth, they met finally at his best friend's balcony at his 28th birthday. so he goes, "why are you here?" he sees the saddening tale through her eyes as soon as he said it and quickly goes, "i mean, how are you here, it's all just so-..."
"oh, i- my best friend wanted me to come, it's her crush's birthday party so, wait, i'm not suppose to say it's her crush oh god i'm sorry-.."
"moon, it's okay. and uh, is it, someone named jamilah? he did mention her to me."
"oh?"
"yeah, he's one of my best friends, too."

and then they realizes and suddenly everything started to make sense. but it was all surreal for them to believe it right away and the silence becomes the only thing surrounding them. people talking, people drinking and here's them; trying to not look at each other to not let the whole flood of whole seven years left with memories, heartaches and- letters, unsent letters crash against them.

moon tries it more than iven. she gives an awkward smile and breaking down as she thinks to herself that it's all her fault. she believes iven must hate her and he wants her to leave. she wouldn't blame iven though, she never won't. he has every right to hate her and not want anything to do with her. she felt her heart slowly started aching a lot more when she goes back to how she left things hanging between the two of them, when she catches small glimpses of current him. he looks...tired, a lot grown up, more mature than a regular 26 years old. he grew a beard and his eyes holds crescent shaped holes under his eyes.

all she wanted right now was to hug him a million times, tell him she's gonna be there for him from now on only if he wants her to- she wanted to do so many things but seven years of no communication with one another can make you feel questioning to yourself. especially if it ended in bad terms, if it ended with no goodbyes, nothing at all. just one letter to her mom was all he had of her, so she aches more and more.

on a plus point she smiles at knowing she finally found him.

"are you...okay?" he asks.
"huh? oh i- im just.."
"yeah it's, it's something, isn't it?"
"it is, i just- i wanted to say, i'm sorry for, leaving- i...i tried to find you, and-.."
"oh." he says in a much serious, deeper voice, she collects herself in a position to listen, "okay."
"okay?"
"okay. anything else?"
"iven, i tried to find you, i heard from allyson and i, i know you have so many questions left, i just-.."
"moon, you don't get to do that. you can't just go and do these things like right now you're saying how much you tried to find me, moon. you can't just say that when all you did was leave, made sure i could never reach out to you. you can't just come back after seven years and be like this, you just can't."
"iven, listen to me, please. i thought, i thought it was needed, allyson told me i should leave cause she said all i do is stop you from you working on your career path and i believed her, i wanted to make sure you don't see me as a burden, iven. i had to-.."
"wait, wait, wait. so you left because my ex girlfriend told you that i'm better off without you?"
"yeah..."
"moon, oh my fucking god." he kneels down with his hands on his forehead and moon's tears almost starts forming, "moon, people especially best friends don't leave like that because someone said shit like that, i never ever told you that i am better off without you or how you're such a burden to me, you let her words get more bigger than mine and most especially of all, you let her words get bigger than yours. it was that enough for you to leave just like that?"

silence stands still.

"i...i just at some point, i believed you were better off without me."
"i'm not, moon. i'm really not. i used to be happier when i was with you, i used to enjoy life a little more when you were with me. everything made sense when it was just us two, moon. and it deeply hurt me when i realized i'm the only one who thought that when it comes to the two of us."

then moon sees him ache, almost about to break and they stay there. both in front of each other, closest than ever and yet the furthest away from each other as moon realizes slowly that he felt the same for her, felt, maybe not anymore, surely not anymore and that gives moon's heart to crumble slowly, for moon- looking at him now felt like a pilgrim watching his belief to be fallen. looking at him now for a second made moon realized that how wrong she was and it hurt her knowing he's hurting for seven years, only for her, and only because of her.

then she looks away and he walks away. if only moon was brave enough to tell him that she did feel the same for him, she still loves him. but to form words in a moment where it feels like a funeral of a longing heart  felt like a crime to her. once again, she let the silence win and she breaks down at the floor, crying.