Author's Note:- Sorry guys, this is another sad one. I'll try to make things a little lighter from now on, promise. ~IerosEyebrows x
Shane's POV
Everyday feels as if it is an upwards struggle. My arms are beginning to grow increasingly more tired, my knees are weakening with every step I take and my breath coming in short spurts is a regular occurrence nowadays. Honestly, I'm struggling to see a reason to continue on most days; things just seem completely pointless to me. I mean, why? There are more people out there who could easily take my place. My 'talent' isn't exactly one in a million; there are so many things I'm unable to do, and it weighs out the opposite by miles. For example, it baffles me on a daily basis that Drew is the Bassist; he's clearly Lead Guitar material. On most days it's Drew who motivates me to pick up my decaying guitar and practice, always mentioning various points of improvement and advice on how I should approach those tasks. Not to be rude, but if he knows so much about the instrument, then why doesn't he take my place?
What I'm trying to say, is that I'm easily replaceable. That I'm completely unneeded and this world would be the exact same as it is now if I wasn't in it. There is no fuckin' point to my existence, and I can't bare it for a second longer. It feels wrong; It makes me sick; I don't want to be here anymore.
However, curling up in my bed while these thought roam through my mind isn't going to change it; I know that fully well. Yet, I can't seem to grasp the motivation to care. What is the point? No one around me even seems to notice the deterioration of my sanity, or if they did, they didn't give me a slight reason to stay. Those who I had become attached to didn't seem to give me to affection in return.
Kier and I used to be more close, hardly ever apart and I was always the one who he came to when asking for advice on which shirt brought out his eyes more, or whether he should return to his natural hair colour or not. Now; now he goes to Laurence. I've been replaced.
It's the same with Luke. Him and I had almost daily battles on the Play Station, declaring war on each other and demanding rematches if the other won; they'd always lead to eventually glancing up at the clock and realising it was two in the morning. Now; now he has those battles with Drew, meaning I was lying awake in bed and wondering when Drew was going to join me for cuddles to help me sleep. We haven't cuddled in bed for weeks because of him. Yet again, I've been replaced.
Don't even get me started on Drew Woolnough; my precious boyfriend of three years and counting. Him and I have been through so much together; abuse, homophobia, mental illness, unrelated stresses, but yet for some reason we've drifted. He'd began to spend more and more time with the others, and less time with me. Like I said previously, him and Luke had been having long video game marathons meaning I was left to my own devices (never a good idea) and if he wasn't with Luke he was editing with Laurence or out with Kier. I wasn't in the equation in anyone's lives. I was simply drifting in eternal darkness, and no one even took a glance in my direction to notice.
Releasing another whimpered sob, I buried myself further into Drew and I's bed sheets, shaking my head slowly while pulling Drew's pillow down beside me and clinging to it. My face was pressed against the soft cover, inhaling my boyfriend's scent while attempting to be as quiet as humanely possible; I couldn't risk anyone hearing me. I didn't want to have to explain. Time passed without me even realising and it wasn't long until I heard footsteps approach the door, causing my head to shoot away from the pillow while freezing my form in hopes of hiding or possibly, tricking them into believing I was asleep.
"Shaney, Baby?" I heard Drew's soft voice announce his presence into the room. "Are you still awake?"
My mouth was sealed, eyes squeezed shut in a vicious attempt to hide my pain away from him; it was easier this way. I didn't want to be any more of a burden than I was already.
"Shane Sweetie, I know you are." He mumbled, his voice significantly louder which told me he was stood merely centimeters away from me. "I heard you while I was in the bathroom."
I couldn't help but release a small whimper, a hand rising to my mouth while tears dripped onto our mattress.
"Oh, Baby," He cooed, and I felt the cover being suddenly moved to reveal my torso, before being pulled into my boyfriends arms as he cuddled up to me from behind; kissing the top of my head.
"I-I'm s-so s-sorr..." I croaked out, being unable to complete my apology as I began to sob, all pressure from previous hidden pain being pushed into the open all at once. Drew merely shushed me, his hand slipping under my baggy bed shirt to stroke along my stomach while I cried. He always knew how to soothe me, even when I thought we were pushing each other apart.
Tears still ran down my cheeks as I turned myself around to bury my face in his chest, a hushed whimper leaving my lips as his firm grasp held me tightly against him.
"What's got you like this, eh?" He whispered, pulling the covers over us and pressed more gentle kisses to my crown. "What's going through that little mind of yours, sweetheart?"
"I-I can't.. c-cope, D-Drew.." I whined, my form visibly shaking in his arms while I tried to regain control of my own emotions. "E-Everything is t-too much."
Drew was silent for a moment, his hands rubbing gentle circles into the skin of my back. "Why, Baby?"
"W-What's the point?!" I cried out, voice cracking in places. "T-There's no point to anything! T-Things will be just the same if I wasn't even here!"
Drew was quick to respond this time, his hold on me suddenly becoming even tighter. "Don't you dare say that; Can't you see how much you mean to everyone?"
I shook my head, my hands curling to form a strong grip on Drew's shirt.
"You mean everything to me, Shaney," He whispered, more sincere than previously while he rested his lips against my head. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
"Y-You'd move on from it; everyone would." I replied in a monotonous mumble. I felt Drew's head shake on top of mine, more pecks being left there while the circle motions on my skin became gentle strokes.
"I'd never move on if I lost you," He confirmed, shushing me gently as I began to protest. "You're my entire world and I love you so much, Shane."
"I-I..." I mumbled, my breath hitching in my throat while I processed my boyfriends sweet words. "I l-love you too."
"You're stuck with me forever, you know that?"
I nodded glumly, my heart warming as a small part of my anxiety settled. Drew wanted to be around me; He was my reason. When I responded, I tilted my head upwards and pecked his lips while in darkness from the late time.
"T-There's n-no one else I'd r-rather be stuck with."
