It was Fearless Vampire Killers only day off until we play Download next week, we’ll be spending the next few days rehearsing, and we were celebrating by having…a movie night…alone…with no booze. Great.
“This movie sucks.” I heard Drew moan from next to me.
“This whole night sucks.” Luke replied.
Kier and Laurence were huddled together on one sofa, taking up all the room, while Luke was slouched in the only armchair we own with a bored expression. Me and Drew were sat in the centre of the floor. I poked Kier’s leg.
“Kier, we’re bored.” I whined, poking his leg repeatedly.
“Ouch! Shane! Don’t blame me, blame Laurence. He forgot the beer.”
Laurence looked away from the TV when he heard his name.
“I’m sorry, but you should know to write it on the list or I’ll forget.” He looked at us with a guilty expression.
“It’s okay.” Kier said lovingly, patting his knee, then curling back up to him.
Drew sighed again and moved to lie on his stomach, legs in the air. I mirrored his actions.
“What even is this movie?” He whispered in my ear.
“No idea, I don’t understand what’s happening.” I whispered back.
“Well, Blonde guy is in love with that whore, but Whore’s in love with his brother and I lost it from there.”
I chuckled and began to stand up.
“Need a piss, be right back.”
“’Kay.” Drew simply replied.
I walked out the room quickly, thankful to my weak bladder for the excuse to leave the room and escape the crappy movie. I walked into our only bathroom, having a glance at my reflection in the mirror as I went. My blonde hair was sticking up at all ends due to the fact I wasn’t bothered to brush it today. I had no one to impress, I never left the house. I took my time to use the toilet, taking advantage of my freedom while I had it. I mean seriously, who bought that movie, I thought about it for a while, of course, Kier. The romance obsessed, shitty movie, buying Bastard. I washed my hands thoroughly and was about to grab hold of the door knob when I was knocked out of the usual bathroom routine by a big ass hair spider sat on the door knob. I squealed in shock and horror and jumped back, knocking my hip on the side of the sink.
The spider didn’t even flinch.
Where the fuck did it come from?! I felt myself begin to panic, how am I going to get out of here? Are there more of them? What if it makes a jump at me? Oh god , it could be poisonous! I could die in a bathroom, how in dignifying! I decided to do what any manly man would do in my situation. I screamed.
“DREW!” I shouted at the top of my voice, not taking my eyes off the eight legged terror. I didn’t move.
“DREW!” I repeated, when I heard nothing from the sitting room.
“I’m coming, Shane, I’m coming.” I heard from another room. Thank god. I heard his quiet footsteps approach the door. “What do you want?” He said in monotone. Well, excuse me, Mister Arsehole.
“Help.” I whimpered pathetically. Wow, manly, Cy, no wonder you’re single.
“Shane, are you okay?” Drew said cautiously.
“No, there’s a fucking spider chilling on the door knob. I think I’m gonna pass out.” I blinked back tears. I heard Drew giggle. Dickhead.
“It’s not funny, Drew, I’m scared.” I choked out, helplessly.
“Okay, okay, Cy, keep calm.” I nodded, and concentrated on controlling my breathing. “How about I move the door knob to see if it’ll move, yeah?”
“No! It might come towards me!” I shouted, panicking.
I heard Drew sigh loudly.
“What do you expect me to do, then?”
“I don’t know, I’m too busy freaking out over a giant spider having a fucking field day on my only exit from the room!”
Drew laughed. “okay, Cy?” I hummed in reply, glaring at the spider who looked like it was cleaning itself. “Try throwing something at it.”
I nodded and reached out to my left grabbing whatever I could reach. Luke’s shampoo bottle. I aimed and threw the bottle towards the door, it hit above the spider and it…did nothing.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I mumbled, grabbing something else. I tried again and squealed when it fell off, but began to climb back up the door, resting in it’s original position. “oh, come on, really?!”
“Got it?” Drew asked.
“I did but, it fucking climbed back up!” I folded my arms in defeat.
“okay, one minute.” I continued my staring contest with the disgusting creature while listening out for any signs of Drew’s return, until I heard a load of shouting, that sounded like it was coming towards the room.
“Shane, get back!” I heard Drew shout. I stepped towards the back of the bathroom when the door burst open, revealing a psychotic looking Kier armed with a broom. Kier slammed the door shut behind him, revealing a spider hanging off the doorknob, he began to swipe manically at the door, hitting the spider with the fourth swing.
“Do you fucking pay rent?!” He shouted at the squashed spider, which was splatted across the door. I could have thrown up. “Do ya?! Didn’t fucking think so, you furry bastard!” I stared at him with wide eyes. Kier cleared his throat and turned around, facing me.
“There you go, Cy.” he grinned at me.
“’Do you fucking pay rent?’” I questioned him.
“Spider’s don’t get to chill where they want, mate. They got to pay.” He said simply, handed me the broom and walked out.
“Let me know if there is anymore scary wikkle spiders, ‘kay?” he shouted mockingly as he left. Bastard.
