I critic my "mostly" old stories. (I promise I've gotten better at writing over the years.)
Most of them are pretty dumb and funny. :)
* * *
Some of these have triggers, which I will try to warn for.
Here's some background. I believe I wrote this in early 2019, and then moved it to my Quotev account in 2020. It was based on a fantasy world I created after roleplaying with a friend of mine.
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A closer picture of the description.
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This story is pretty cringe. There's some slight death and violence, but it's not very detailed because baby me could not write. Also there's a lot of weird lore that is no longer canon to the world anymore.
There's the full story here. (Chapter was like 8000 words and nearly crashed my notes app.) My commentary is in bold. Original text is in non bold.
Enjoy the story!
1: School Is Great. Not Really...
Neo POV~~~~
Instead of having friends, I have smarts. It comes with its benefits. Occasionally... Okay, yeah. I wish I had some friends. Especially at school. I always get lonely at lunch.
Neo is a lonely boy. Also, this writing style is somehow more awkward than whatever I have now. It's like the whole story is written like an Author Note.
I waited in my desk for class to start. I was decked out in my emo clothes: black shirt, my black hoodie, my black jeans, and my shoes. And today I added a black choker. Nothing fancy, just a line.
I'm surprised he didn't say that he wasn't like the other boys. 😂😂 Also, I know how to describe chokers now. Allow me to sample. "It wasn't fancy, a small sting of dark blue lace bouncing around the black leather that comfortably circled my neck."
The classroom began to fill. I always sat in the front, since it's easier to take notes that way. Once everyone was here, Mr. Grappin began his lesson.
Neo is a good, lonely, emo boy.
"Can anyone tell me how to reverse the effects of a Truth potion? Maron." The called on Maron because he raised his hand.
This is made up. I did not source this from anywhere.
"Two glowing mushroom and a frog leg." Maron answered, knowing he got it right. I knew that, too. I'm just to nervous to answer.
