"Our Secret"

Chapter 40

As soon as I left her room, I went straight into an unoccupied classroom and start bawling.

I've never cried like this before. It was painful. I've also never felt like this before. A huge swarm of guilt crept, and hung onto me. I felt a very indescribable feeling, and it was physically painful. I felt numb, and I couldn't feel my face from the redness, and all my tears. Eyes puffy from crying non stop.

My head was throbbing, and I couldn't see. I really wanted to do this though. I wasn't so sure why I was this emotional. God, I'm a horrible fucking person, aren't I? Aniya is so fragile, and so sweet and caring. Why did I do this to her? Especially when she's going through a divorce. I wasn't thinking about that part very clearly. A part of me wanted to go back and talk to her, but another just wanted to get up and leave.

As I was trying to calm myself down, my phone starts to ring. It was Page. I had completely forgot she was waiting for me outside in the car.

"Hey..." she says, in a caring, sympathetic voice.

"Hi." I sniffle. "What's up?"

"Well, I've been waiting out here for a while, and I wanted to see if everything's okay..."

I tried not to cry on the phone with her, and just responded in the best way I could think of, to make her less worried.

"Yeah, no, everything's alright. I'm just uh... I'm just sitting here for a second."

"Oh... is Mrs Par- I mean... Aniya okay?"

I laughed very quietly at the thought of her almost saying, 'Mrs Parker.' I haven't heard that name in what almost feels like years. But then my mood quickly changed thinking about her question.

Is Aniya okay?

"Uhm... I um. I don't know."

"Oh." She said in a saddened tone. "Well... are you okay?"

I didn't know how to answer that question honestly. So I guess I just lied.

"Yea," I responded, trying to make it sound like I was being completely honest.

"Are you- are you sure?" She asked not believing what I had just told her.

I felt my eyes tear up, a lot. Then I just start crying my words. "No. I'm really not okay. I'm a horrible fucking person, Page. Why did I do this to her? She doesn't deserve it, right? But I really didn't feel anything anymore with her ever since we kissed in the bathroom. I'm just- I'm just really confused. Why did I do this to her... she doesn't deserve it. Yes, I was extremely happy with her, but still. I- I don't know. She's literally going through a fucking divorce, that I knew about, but that didn't stop me from breaking up with her. I... I'm a really bad person Page."

Page doesn't speak for a second, which had me thinking she was searching for words to say.

"Why don't you come out to the car, okay? This conversation seems like an 'in person' thing."

"Okay..." I whimper. I hang up, but sit there for a second to wipe the bottom of my chin, my cheeks, and my eyes. I finally manage to do so, and stand up. When I turn around to the door, there she was. It was Aniya. I jump, and look at her, very confused on why she was there, and how long, and how she found me so quickly.

She looked more hurt then she was when I broke up with her.

"Jesus, Aniya! How long were you there for?"

She looked to the ground. "Enough to know you cheated on me. With fucking Page. Are you serious? You fucking told me it wasn't about another girl. You lied to me. Again. God, why am I so fucking stupid?" She whimpered.