A Clusterfuck of a Holiday Special

Chapter 12

Most of the living room was burnt. Random decorations were strewn haphazardly across the walls and the furniture. Duncan was not only handcuffed to the bed, but also hiding under it and growling at them. Barla was chasing Justin around the house, trying to get her phone from him. Sunny was sucking the marrow out of a bone from the Whole Foods brisket. She was the only one sitting at the dining table.

Hector emerged from the bathroom. "I think you guys are out of air freshener." He stopped when he saw the group standing in the doorway. "Oh, hey guys! You made it!"

Klaus stood there, mouth agape. "What. The fucking. Fuck."

"Please don't freak out," Sunny said, taking a sip of grape juice out of a wine glass. "At least the food is ready."

Violet pushed her way to the front of the group. "Okay. I'm about to lose it. Quigley, go uncuff your brother."

Quigley obliged. Duncan got up and rubbed his own wrist. "Thanks, bro. And you know what? Congrats on doing something right for once."

Quigley shrugged. "I'll take it."

"Why is the kitchen on fire?" Violet demanded. "Justin!"

Justin stopped in his tracks, holding Barla's phone up high so she wouldn't get it. "We forgot about the roast. But in our defense, you guys were gone for a long time! And Barla and Sunny distracted me!"

"Ugh, you're the worst!" Barla shouted, trying to climb up his body. "Give me my phone!"

"It's the first night of Hanukkah, Barla! No phone!" Violet snapped.

"My name is BEATRICE!! Why does nobody get it right?!" She stomped upstairs and slammed her bedroom door behind her.

"What's Barla's deal?" Sunny asked with a mouthful of food. "I let her decorate. She was super psyched about it a second ago, it was cute. You should've seen it."

"Yeah, that's another thing," Violet ranted, gesturing to the decorations. "What even are these?"

The walls were covered in decorations for what seemed like every single holiday. Red and green streamers were clashing with blue and gold ones. Menorahs and christmas trees alike adorned the walls. There were even a few decorations for Kwanzaa.

Violet walked up to a decoration of a green crescent moon. "Is... is this for fucking Ramadan??"

"Muslims gotta eat, too!" Justin replied proudly.

"No, they don't. They don't gotta eat. That's the whole point of Ramadan," Klaus grumbled. "I can't believe I gave up that bag of coke for this."

"Tell me about it," said Carmelita, pulling out a chair for herself and sitting down next to Sunny. "You got anything gluten free?"

"This is all from Whole Foods," Sunny replied. "'Nuff said."

Justin put out the last bit of fire and sighed with relief. "Time for me to dig in. Sit down everyone, what's with the long faces? It's the first night of Hanukkah! We've got seven more of these things, apparently. So let's have some fun!" He burped, but it was that weird kind of burp you do before you throw up, so Klaus shooed him away from the table.

"No food for you! Go play some music and make yourself useful!" Klaus said exasperatedly.

"I'll play my favorites," Justin said, whipping out his phone and shuffling his playlist. "Just Lose It" by Eminem came on.

"Unbelievable," Violet grumbled, sitting down. "An Eminem song during the holidays."

"And it's not even a good one," Klaus muttered back.

They ate their cold brisket in silence as they listened.

Now I'm gonna make you dance, it's your chance
Yeah boy, shake that ass
Oops, I mean girl
Girl, girl, girl
Alright, now lose it (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)
Just lose it (ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

A plot twist is a device used by writers to switch things up when the story is getting boring. That's not the official definition, but it's mine. So, everyone, your old pal Lingerie Smockfit has quite a twist in store. Just for the holidays. Bet you guys weren't expecting this one.

The doorbell rang.

"Thank god," said Klaus, getting up and throwing his napkin onto his plate. "Justin, turn that noise off."

"Never."

Barla came running from upstairs. "That's the guest I invited! Let me answer!"

She shoved Klaus out of the way and opened the door. And standing on the other side was me. Listerine Dipshit.