A Clusterfuck of a Holiday Special

FAQ + Epilogues

Is this really the end?
Yeah.

Why did it take you so long to write this one?
It may not seem like it, but this kind of humor is very hard to get right. There has to be a balance to it: it can't be too mean spirited, but it also can't be too safe. I'm aware that these books used to be a lot sillier and have a lot less story (if you go back and read the first Clusterfuck book, the tone is almost completely different), so I made sure to include a lighthearted B-plot that would bring some of that old silliness back and balance out the more stressful, convoluted main plot. Who doesn't love a dancing and pie eating contest?

What was with Ivy and Isadora? Are you sexist or something?
Here's basically what happened: I'm not involved in the ASOUE fandom at all, and when I was writing the second book, I had no knowledge of ships or anything like that. So I wrote in this character named Ivy who would bring out Klaus' romantic side. Cue the comments from pissed off Kladora shippers! Boy, what a surprise that was. So I knew that in this book, I had to kind of show everyone that in this (abridged?) version of ASOUE, the characters are a bit different, and a Klaus and Isadora pairing would not work. But I also couldn't just write Ivy out, because that would be weird. So that's where the "polyamorous" relationship came from. I also thought it would make sense for this version of grown up Klaus, who I feel would be pretty clueless romantically and think that a ludicrous idea like that would actually work.

Are you Jewish?
No, but the Baudelaires are, so for this holiday special I had to roll up my sleeves and google things like "Hanukah food" and "how to light a menorah". I think at points you can kind of tell that I don't know what I'm talking about.

Are you Canadian?
Pretty sure I answered this before. No, I'm American. I think that kind of shows in the books, too. A lot of American politicians show up, which I love because it confuses the people in the comments, who for the most part seem to be in middle school.

And you're... not in middle school?
I'm 20, actually.

Oh. Jesus.
:)

Anyways... How is Lemontree's cookie business going?
It's going alright. Although, some customers complain that he needs to add more sugar. Typical.

Where did each of the other main characters end up?
Violet got her doctorate in engineering and currently works at NASA. She makes a lot of money and has Quigley as a lovable goofy househusband. She adopted three orphans who are living a happy and safe life under her and Quigley's care.

Klaus worked his way up from assistant college professor to actual college professor. He makes hella money and plans to be a "bachelor for life". He completed his anger management training (that Violet suggested he take) and, to celebrate, he threw a party on the island where Count Olaf died. They all danced on his grave and drank mai tais. However, some well-meaning kids on Tiktok cancelled him for partying on an island where indigenous people live, calling him a "colonizer". Oh well. You win some, you lose some.

Sunny went to culinary school after graduating and seems to be doing well for herself. She got noticed on Twitter 2 by Gordon Ramsey, who called her dish "surprisingly masterful". This led to her competing on Hell's Kitchen and winning. She now owns a restaurant in Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas— the very place where Sarah Palin held her hostage years prior. Irony!

Barla got her big break making electronic music on Tiktok under the name "Beatrice B".  It is fucking unlistenable. Violet wanted her to get into rock climbing professionally, but in Barla's words, "Just because I'm good at something doesn't mean I have to do it for a living."

Ivy and Duncan started dating and moved in together, but she eventually broke up with him after he spent their savings on some kind of digital currency called "Glarpcoin". Since she's so pretty, though, this wasn't a problem for her. She made the news for marrying five people at once.

Duncan is now a political commentator and men's lifestyle influencer who was featured on the Joe Rogan podcast. He has a surprisingly devoted following.

Isadora is Barla's manager. She tours across the world with Barla, trying to keep her out of trouble while also making connections in the entertainment industry. She is a published poet, and ended up marrying Pete Davidson.

And finally, Carmelita continued with her therapy sessions and is now happily married to a normal, non-famous person.

But what about Justin?
He got married to himself, causing him to unexpectedly go viral on Tiktok. He made a lot of money selling shirts and booty shorts with his face plastered on them before being cancelled for associating with Klaus. (And not for the blackface thing, which, again, did not happen in this book's universe. Just putting that out there.) However, he was able to turn his reputation around by generously letting Hugo, Colette, and Kevin crash at his mansion after the kids moved out.

Okay then. Can we expect any other crackfics like this in the future?
That's hard to say. I suppose I could write another one, but it wouldn't be ASOUE. Maybe like Gravity Falls or something. Unlikely though, since I'm getting a little too old to write good crackfic. Everyone knows the best crack is written by thirteen year olds. Their brains are just more random.

Anything else to add?
I just want to thank everyone who read and enjoyed these silly little books and left nice comments. You guys are the reason I kept makin' more. As I'm writing this, the first book has 8k reads and the second book has 2k. That's 10k combined reads, which blows me away! When I wrote that first book at age 14, I never imagined it would lead to all this. Thank you guys so much.

I'll close with a quote from Lemony Snicket that I thought was a fitting end:

"At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey."