50 Shades of Drake 3 and 4

Torn: Chapter Eighty-Three

    "How does it feel to be a father?" Jonny repeated. "What can I even say? It's...the best feeling in the world. Out of everything I've done with my life...the training, starting this gym...all of it pales in comparison to my little ones, man."

    Aubrey nodded and stared down at the floor.

    "Why are you asking?"

    "Just curious."

    Jonny scratched his temple. "Are you...are you thinking of...?"

    "I don't know what I'm thinking," Aubrey said, standing and moving away from the bench.

    Jonny jumped up and followed. "You love her so much that you're considering having children with her?"

    Aubrey walked in silence. Prior to walking inside of the gym, he'd wanted nothing more than to reconnect with his good friend; now, he wanted nothing more than distance from his friend. He'd made a miscalculation in thinking that he was ready to have this conversation. He wasn't.

    Jonny refused to let the subject drop. "Come on, man, you've got to talk to me."

    Aubrey passed rows of workout equipment and went to stand at a window granting a view of the gym's multiple swimming pools.

    "Are you considering having children with her?" Jonny persisted.

    "Yes," Aubrey replied.

    Jonny turned his head and peered through the pool window.

    Aubrey slid his hands into the pockets of his navy blue track pants. "Earlier in my life, I wanted to have children. So badly. You knew that. The crew knew that. I love kids. Always have, always will. But...my life changed. When my life changed, kids just didn't seem to fit into my life plan. I got it into my head that I shouldn't be a father, not with the things that I'm into."

    "Everyone is into something, man," Jonny told him. "Do my kids need to know that I spank Kim's ass once in awhile? No. My kids don't need to know that. So we keep it under wraps. But every couple has something they like to do that is beyond the standard missionary position. That doesn't stop them from having families."

    Then again, what I like far exceeds an occasional ass smack, Aubrey thought, mulling over his friend's words.

    "What you like is just one facet of who you are," Jonny told him. "The sex shit is just one side of you. You're also a great friend - when you're around to be a great friend. You're also one of the most respected businessmen in the world. You're also a man who touched millions of people with your music. There's still more to you than even that. You'd make a great father. You know you would. The only person holding you back from being a great father is you, man."

    "When Palmer took me..." Aubrey paused, closing his eyes and fighting the image of Palmer's dark, cold basement.

    "I still say we should kill that son of a bitch," Jonny said, his voice lowering several octaves.

    "He's where he belongs," Aubrey stated. "But when he took me, I didn't know if I would ever see Destiny again. That feeling was the worst feeling I've ever had. Worse than any breakup I've gone through. Only losing someone from this earth can compare. While I was away from her, I imagined all sorts of things. I imagined her moving on with someone else. I imagined...her dying alone of old age, because she was waiting for me. I imagined...the perfect life that I could have with her."

    Jonny arched a brow at him.

    Aubrey turned and looked at him. "I had these...these dreams. And I call them dreams, but they feel like something more than that. They feel like these little pieces of the future."