50 Shades of Drake 3 and 4

Chapter Twenty-Seven

    "It sounds kind of like...you hate him."

    Brian tilted his head to the side. "Hate? Aubrey?"

    Destiny nodded.

    "I don't hate Aubrey," he said softly. "I can admit to being envious of him at times, but never with malice."

    "Even though he continued seeing a woman he knew you were dating?" she asked dubiously.

    "I hated him a little bit then. But I got over it."

    "Did you?"

    Looking her in the eyes, he said, "Yes. I have nothing but respect and admiration for him now. And... traces of jealousy, whenever I see him with you."

    Her cheeks flushed and she looked away from him.

    "I don't know how we got so far off track. My intent was to make you feel better."

    That was definitely a fail, she thought. I already had to worry for Aubrey's safety, I was already going to miss him to death, and on top of it all I still have to figure out if he and I will even work out. There's still the fact that he doesn't want to have children, while I do. I didn't need anything else added to that pile of stress.

    Brian lifted a hand up to his forehead. "I'm...I'm sorry."

    She held up a hand. "Don't apologize."

    "I feel like I should. Things like that...things like that should come from Aubrey, not me."

    I have a hard enough time getting Aubrey to open up. I doubt he would have ever told me about the time that he knowingly slept with another man's girlfriend. She could feel a headache coming on. "I'm feeling tired. I'm just going to go to bed."

    "Sure, yeah."

    She leaned forward and grabbed her wine glass.

    "I'll get the glasses. Don't worry about it."

    "Thank you." Clutching onto the blanket, she stood up and left Brian in the living room with his thoughts and his wine.

~~~~~~

    It was funny how an attempt to make her feel better could go so painfully wrong. She didn't feel better. She felt worse. Now there were doubts, doubts about whether or not she even knew the man she loved. And of course circumstance would have it that she couldn't even have a conversation with Aubrey about it. He was off God knew where at this point. She couldn't call him. She couldn't go to him. All she could do is sit here and wait for him to return to her. How am I supposed to just...sit around waiting for him when I have so many questions and doubts? I can't sit around with these questions for months. I need to be able to speak to him. Back at the office, he had told her that he would try to call Brian and speak to her from a disposable phone, but she didn't know whether or not she could trust his word on that. Those could have just been soothing words he told her to ease the pain of having to tell each other goodbye.

    She tossed and turned in bed. The sky outside of her bedroom window started to brighten, and she still hadn't gotten one wink of sleep. She was too busy alternating between pitying herself, worrying about Aubrey, and sympathizing with Brian. The sympathy for Brian came late...it finally registered to her just how truly heartbreaking his situation was. She couldn't imagine losing not one, not two, but three people she was dating or interested in to one person. I didn't get the feeling that he was trying to drive a wedge between Aubrey and me. It seemed like he was truly curious as to why women would keep flocking to Aubrey instead of him.

    Since it was evident that she wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, she rolled onto her back and angled both arms behind her head. Staring up the ceiling, she attempted to answer that question. It was a question she'd asked herself quite a bit over the past week. Between Aubrey and Brian, what was it that made her want to run to Aubrey? For one, I met Aubrey first. We were together before I ever ran into Brian. My feelings for Aubrey are intense. I can tell that there is no other man like him in the world. There might be men who have similar interests, but they won't be like Aubrey. They won't have his presence, or his intensity. I'm extremely attracted to him. Just looking at him makes me melt. His voice, hearing him sing...that also makes me melt. The looks he gives me...the way he touches me...he makes me feel like no one else ever has, like no one else probably ever will.

    Brian had some choice words for Aubrey. He'd thrown around words like "sadistic" and "psychotic." The fact that he'd jumped to using those words did speak to an underlying resentment he must have towards Aubrey. If there were residual feelings of resentment, Brian was entitled to it - if he was telling the truth about Aubrey sleeping with Sharon, knowing that Sharon was involved with Brian.

    I still don't want to believe that Aubrey would do something like that, whether it was the old Aubrey or not. I don't want him to be capable of something that shady. But when she delved into the depths of her memory and summoned up lyrics to songs by a young rapper named Drake, she clearly remembered several songs that referred to him sleeping with a girl and knowing that the girl was sleeping with him because she was mad at her boyfriend. Not that the two instances are related, but lyrics like that would lead one to believe that he's capable of knowingly sleeping with a girl who has a boyfriend. She groaned in frustration. It felt like her head was going to explode. There were too many things for her to think about, too many thoughts in her head all at once. Just when she thought something was resolved, another pesky issue popped up in its place.

    All week, she'd missed Aubrey and wanted to see him, spend time with him. Now that she had gotten to spend time with him, some crazy, off-the-wall secret from his past had to surface. One step forward, two steps back.

    And Brian...he was an amazing guy. Destiny knew her reasons for choosing Aubrey, but did the other two women have the same reasons? Why was it that Brian couldn't find someone to love him the way he deserved to be loved? He was extremely good-looking and charismatic, just the perfect combination of macho and sensitive - like Aubrey. From the short time she'd spent staying with him, she could tell that he was very caring. Affectionate. He had catered to her on more than one occasion. In many ways, he was similar to Aubrey.

    They have at least one major difference, though, with Brian's reaction to the collar, handcuffs, and blindfolds belonging to his ex-girlfriend. He seemed beyond turned off. So if, for some reason, I wound up being with him...our life would be very...what did Aubrey call it? Vanilla?

    Life was such a strange thing. Once upon a time, she wanted nothing more than a normal life with Aubrey. A part of her still did. But something was different now. The thought of a strictly vanilla life didn't hold the same appeal it had previously. As a matter of fact, when Brian had twisted his face at the mention of the collar, she had been turned off that he had an obvious distaste for the accessory.

    Somehow, I grew to like and appreciate my collar, she realized now while staring up at the ceiling. Somewhere along the line, my feelings about the lifestyle changed. I didn't even realize it, but at some point I was going along with everything and playing my role, not just because I wanted to please Aubrey, but because I liked it. Just like the sex club...when I was in the moment with Aubrey, I felt good. I felt sexy. I felt desired. I loved it, in the moment. Only afterwards when reality came crashing down, was when I felt ashamed. Only once I knew I had to walk out of that building and face the rest of the world knowing what I'd done, did I regret what I'd done. So...what does that mean?

    Her bottom lip trembled as she whispered up to the ceiling, "Who am I becoming?"