50 Shades of Drake 3 and 4

Chapter Ninety-Three

    Federal agents - plural - were out in the living room area talking to each other in hushed tones, but Destiny shut out the sound of their voices. Instead, she focused on the sound of Aubrey's breathing. They held each other, lying side by side in bed, just looking at each other. She had wondered what it would feel like to see him again, feel his arms around her once again. When she was looking at him, and when he had his arms around her, it was easy to forget everything else even existed. She had to remind herself that other people existed, that the Palmer drama wasn't yet quite over, and that poor Brian was in his hotel room, alone, heartbroken all because of her.

    Aubrey stared at her intently. Sometimes she felt like he could read her mind. He seemed to know everything, without her even telling him.

    If we traded places and I was the one kidnapped, he probably would have known, she thought. He would have known immediately that I hadn't chosen to leave him. She tried to move past the feelings of guilt, tried to shift her mind from thinking about how Brian must feel right now. Aubrey had pretty much told her he forgave her for any "mistakes" she had made. That word had caused her heart to clench. Becoming involved with Brian had been...poor timing. It had definitely made her life a lot messier, but she wouldn't call it a mistake. He was an amazing man that she cared about very much. The time she'd gotten to spend with him was special, regardless of the circumstances. But Aubrey has forgiven me, and seems to want to move forward. Brian seems eager to move on, and I can't blame him. I should be able to program my mind to just...move forward with Aubrey. But as much as her heart was filled with love for him, and as thankful she was to have his arms around her, Brian was still there at the back of her mind. The thoughts about him refused to go away. When she least expected it, she was remembering horseback riding with him, or how beautifully he played the guitar.

    Abruptly, she sat up and brought a hand up to her head.

    "Are you all right?" Aubrey asked her.

    "Yeah, I'm fine," she told him, taking a deep, shuddering breath. What's happening to me? Why can't I just let that go? Even when Brian practically begged me to let it go and leave him alone, I was still up in his face. Up until the very end, still trying to be close to him. She blinked tears back and swiveled around, planting her feet on the floor. "I have to go to the bathroom."

    Aubrey's brows drew together. "All right."

    She stood up from the bed and walked out of the bedroom, softly closing the door behind her. The federal agents were still in the living room, tossing around their federal agent lingo. It was almost an entirely different language. The journalist in her was tempted to eavesdrop, but she needed to be in a room by herself. That was her main focus. That was what she needed. She turned into the bathroom and closed the door. She pressed her back against it and flipped on the light switch near her shoulder. With wide eyes, she stared at her reflection. What am I doing? What am I doing, and who am I becoming? This girl isn't me. Having feelings for two men...I don't believe in that. You are either in love with someone, or you're not. There's no loving two men at the same time. So what is this? And why can't I turn my brain off? She raised a hand to her hair. All of a sudden, the bathroom seemed too confined, too small of a space. It felt like someone had sucked all of the air out of the room. She was finding it difficult to breathe. She slid down to the floor and brought her knees up to her chest.

    Resting her chin on her knees, she closed her eyes. I control my own mind. I control what I think about. Come on, Destiny, think logically. You're a journalist, right? You can do logical. You're thinking about Brian because you feel guilty for hurting him. You like him. A lot. You even have love for him. But you're not in love with him. You're in love with Aubrey. So focus on Aubrey. He barely escaped a life or death situation. He deserves your attention, all of it. Not just fifty percent, not just eighty percent. All of it. She raised her head and leaned it against the bathroom door, staring up at the ceiling. There was nothing to look at on the ceiling - a square motorized ceiling fan, and nothing but white. Still, she stared. Lost in her own thoughts, trying to shut some thoughts out. Trying not to think about the fact that Brian hated her right now, and justifiably so.

    But I'm not thinking about him, remember? I'm thinking about Aubrey. That's all I'm going to think about, all I need to think about. We just found out that he's safe, that he's okay. He has been returned to me. That should be the only thing on my mind right now. She closed her eyes and regulated her breathing. Then she rested her chin between her knees and, without trying to, fell asleep while still wrestling with thoughts about two gorgeous men who loved her more than she deserved.

~~~~~~

    Aubrey glanced at his wrist and had to remind himself that his watch was gone. He couldn't even remember if he'd been wearing one the day he was kidnapped. All he knew was that he wasn't wearing a watch now, and seeing as he didn't have a cell phone either, he had to consult with the digital nightstand clock to determine that Destiny had been in the bathroom for longer than half an hour.

    He loved her with all of his heart, but he wasn't blind. He could tell that something was going on with her, something was different. It wasn't just that she'd had a tryst with Brian. Something bigger than that was plaguing her. She's still feeling guilty, maybe? He got up from the bed and left the bedroom. Standing in the hall, he raised a hand and knocked on the bathroom door. "Destiny?"

    Nothing but silence.

    With a worried frown, he turned the doorknob and pushed at the door. A heavy weight was leaning against it. He nudged the door a little further, trying not to move it too quickly; using deductive logic, it had to be Destiny leaning against the door, and he didn't want to hurt her.

    She shifted, and moved away from the door, kneeling on the bathroom floor.

    He regarded her with disbelief. "You fell asleep in here?"

    She looked around the bathroom and wrapped her arms around herself. "I guess so, yeah."

    Sighing, he leaned down and gathered her in his arms. Cradling her, he carried her back to the bedroom and kicked the door closed with a bare foot. He carefully laid her down on the bed and moved her hair out of her face. "Are you okay?"

    "Yeah," she said sleepily, but she wasn't looking him in the eyes.

    Meaning she's not okay, he said, kneeling beside the bed.

    She turned and looked at him.

    His brows drew together, as another question occurred to him. "Are we okay?"

    She raised up on her elbows. "Of course we are."

    He bit his bottom lip and stared at her, wanting to ask her more questions and not wanting to ask her more questions at the same time.

    "I'm sorry...with everything happening, I'm just overwhelmed." She reached out and touched his beard with a giggle. "It's so...prickly."

    "I'm going to have them find me a razor, stat," he promised her. "It's never been quite this...out of control before."

    She smiled, and for the first time since they'd arrived at the hotel, the smile was one hundred percent genuine, without a trace of sadness. "I don't mean to have you worrying about me. Everything that's happening...it's all just so much. I think it's starting to catch up with me, that's all. I'll be fine. More than anything, I'm glad you're here with me. And I'm glad you're safe, and okay."

    He joined her in the bed, and then wrapped his arms around her again. He'd made the mistake of letting her go once. As he held her, he made a vow never to make that same mistake again.